Rips in My Cape

Today was one of those days that I tuck away in my mama's heart. Walking down the sidewalk with Drew whose been away for a few days, Breck riding in the stroller with his toes in the wind, the big kids riding their bikes, and it being sixty-six degrees in February. Most of the day was just easy with the kiddos and I felt excited to see them after they woke up from their naps which is a great sign that the morning went well. Ha! As I snuggled Story tonight I was overwhelmed again with the weightiness of the title of "Mama." Her Daddy and I are her and her siblings heroes. We are everything to them. Holy CRAP! This realization just slays me. Like makes me want to scream, "IF YOU ONLY KNEW MY SIN YOU WOULDN'T WANT ME TO BE YOUR HERO!!" I can talk about the gospel all day long, but when my sin hurts my kids it almost feels impossible for me to accept the grace of God.

I will never forget when Anna was a baby and I told Drew that I felt like I wasn't patient with Anna as she wiggled on the changing table and tried to escape the dreaded diaper change. He looked at me and said with kindness and gentleness, "You can apologize to her and ask her for forgiveness." Duh! Of course! I looked my baby in the eyes as she smiled up at me and I asked her to forgive me for being impatient with her. She of course had no idea, but I began a practice with her that allows her to see that this hero has some serious rips in my cape. As I've wrestled with all of this a dear friend challenged me with these words: "You are not the hero of your children's stories, because Jesus is the hero." Balm to my soul. I am not the hero. The rips in my cape that keep me from ever soaring as a super mom are ok. They are ok because they allow me to point them to the one who is a REAL hero! My sin and weaknesses will hurt them, but what a gift it is to point them to the one who will never let them down!

Today was good, but tomorrow could be hard and the weakness of my cape might be more on display, but each day I learn more of what it means to trust Jesus as the hero of my story and the hero of my kids' stories. I learn to accept his grace and trust that I am not even close to big enough to ruin anything, even my kids.  I hold onto these words from my husband:

"God didn't call us to be perfect parents but rather to be skilled repenters!" Mic drop.


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