tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57496806309322766412024-03-13T18:57:37.684-07:00Cultivating LifeDrew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.comBlogger154125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-91617900744871351972024-03-12T10:43:00.000-07:002024-03-12T14:27:36.013-07:00The Board Room<p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 11px;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRTIquPSYLbMq1VInh97oCljcdkMBJwieNBLNrhKt1aMEYyQ_o_MYOTx2E9aBjQPbnJaqgRWqxqBNokWGej6Oxi5aqL6_4jhvzuhyphenhyphenpwI9hoA2MvLZe3pGZV5t2fUmqFUWjmhRn-tHLFnBOEu5y_fyyCUyzZAqfXi0JIxP0l-VPtV-uaGhprlqOk8OE1NB9/s1456/StockCake-Elegant%20Meeting%20Room_1710265210.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1456" data-original-width="816" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRTIquPSYLbMq1VInh97oCljcdkMBJwieNBLNrhKt1aMEYyQ_o_MYOTx2E9aBjQPbnJaqgRWqxqBNokWGej6Oxi5aqL6_4jhvzuhyphenhyphenpwI9hoA2MvLZe3pGZV5t2fUmqFUWjmhRn-tHLFnBOEu5y_fyyCUyzZAqfXi0JIxP0l-VPtV-uaGhprlqOk8OE1NB9/w224-h400/StockCake-Elegant%20Meeting%20Room_1710265210.jpg" width="224" /></a></div><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Eyebrows. Let me see your eyebrows and I will tell you what you are feeling. When my husband and I fight I will often ask him to change his eyebrows and because he loves me and knows my story he works hard to change the look on his face to communicate his desire to engage in the process of repair. I feel sudden shame, fear, and worry when someone’s eyebrows look at me with disdain. </p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: Times; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">My husband is a pastor and together we’ve been in ministry for 20 years. In order to teach about the kindness and love of the Father he will often have his students imagine the face of God and have them describe what they see. This illustration comes to mind because my deep attachment I have with God can be full of anxiety rather than trust. When I see his face looking at me it is not always full of kindness and compassion, but eyebrows of dissatisfaction. </p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Often when I think about God and where he spends his time, it’s in the board room surrounded by a group of white men making rules, laws, declarations and decisions that affect the whole of his people. Yes, all their eyebrows are facing down. </p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I wept in the scene of the Barbie movie when she walks into the headquarters of Mattel and into the board room. Who is in the board room making decisions about her and her influence in the world? Men. Powerful men in suits. </p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Sometimes all I can see is Jesus in the board room, but this is not where Jesus is. This is the Jesus of the religion we have created in our Christian culture. In our church culture. This is the view from where I sit as a pastor’s wife. This is the view from my membership in a denomination where men rule and women are told to get in line. Where position papers are continually rolled out by those men in the board room who say what I, as a woman, am allowed or not allowed to do. The board room is where declarations about my husband have been made. He is too “woke” he is “progressive” and he’s not like “us.” These images I see from the boardroom come with assumed power that these are the declarations of Jesus himself. These declarations and images of leadership and power have caused pain and damage in my own heart and I know I’m not alone in these feelings. </p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">You see the interesting thing is somehow these men think that Jesus is with them in this board room and somehow they have made the rest of us believe that Jesus is with them too. But where is the fruit? When we look at the current church in America, what do we see? When we look at the words of Jesus, what do we hear? </p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">“Woe to you scribes, and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done without neglecting the others. You blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel.” Matthew 23:23-24</p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. So you outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.” Matthew 23:27-28</p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">The fruit we see is a massive group of people deconstructing and walking away from “religion.” We hear “I love Jesus, but I want nothing to do with his church or his people.” We see abuse running rampant in churches. We see leaders abusing their power. We see women being silenced when they bring their abuse stories. We see leaders shrugging their shoulders when confronted with the ways they have hurt so many people and saying, “Ok, but I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know how to lead any differently.” We see people with disabilities and their families being isolated and pushed out of churches. We see the pro-life banner being waved, but story after story of families who have adopted children being unwelcome because their children are too much of a disturbance. </p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">In John 9 Jesus heals a man born blind and the Pharisee’s invited the man into the “board room” to tell them his story. </p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">“So for the second time they called the man who had been blind and said to him, “Give glory to God. We know that this man is a sinner.” He answered, “Whether he is a sinner I do not know. One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see.” They said to him, “What did he do to you? How did he open your eyes?” He answered them, “I have told you alreayd, and you would not listen. Why do you want to hear it again? Do you also want to become his disciples?” And they reviled him, saying, “You are his disciple, but we are disciples of Moses. We know that God has spoken to Moses, but as for this man, we do not know where he comes from” The man answered, “Why, this is an amazing thing! You do not know where he comes from, and yet he opened my eyes. <b> </b>We know that God does not listen to sinners, but if anyone is a worshiper of God and does his will, God listens to him.<b> </b>Never since the world began has it been heard that anyone opened the eyes of a man born blind. If this man were not from God, he could do nothing.” They answered him, “You were born in utter sin, and would you teach us?” And they cast him out.</p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">THEY CAST HIM OUT!! You know what Jesus did when he heard that this man was cast out? Jesus went and found him. Jesus didn’t go to the “board room” and affirm the Pharisees he found the broken man who had been healed. I imagine Jesus’ eyebrows were full of compassion. The man didn’t shrivel in shame or fear, he worshipped Jesus. </p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Friends, do you feel cast out by the people in power who are in the boardroom? Do you think that Jesus is with them in their abuse of power? Have their declarations over you caused the deepest of wounds? </p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Hear these words from John 10 after the story of the blind man. </p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">“I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, <b> </b>just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep.”</p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Jesus has never been in the board room making decisions, he’s been in the streets healing the blind, feeding the poor, showing compassion to the children, healing the mentally, emotionally, and physically broken. He went to the cross and laid down his life that one day all brokenness would be over and this world will be made new. The men in the boardroom like the things of Jesus, but don’t want Jesus himself.</p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Jesus is not in the board room. I am learning this alongside you. This is a lonely journey, but we aren’t alone. </p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)</p><div><br /></div>Drew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-28059298921179514792024-03-04T14:38:00.000-08:002024-03-04T14:38:01.063-08:00Pastor's Wife No More <p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9upwaKzPZ5cn5kSujn0W7FdUcG3cUL1Sqb3_AOY2bJPwfvx_VuvErIPYlG5t21LmtCqFc8g-h25JJt8wGrXSQF7Ln4tI-4gk9z5eYpsJ0_75kTdiVSv6TEfEvcN05RXHQCJDNcI8fcbbia9sWn-qtutKrsqwt1IPt9dR1BET0w1sglwTxPRd8lXCDGu95/s612/istockphoto-959328312-612x612.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="408" data-original-width="612" height="446" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9upwaKzPZ5cn5kSujn0W7FdUcG3cUL1Sqb3_AOY2bJPwfvx_VuvErIPYlG5t21LmtCqFc8g-h25JJt8wGrXSQF7Ln4tI-4gk9z5eYpsJ0_75kTdiVSv6TEfEvcN05RXHQCJDNcI8fcbbia9sWn-qtutKrsqwt1IPt9dR1BET0w1sglwTxPRd8lXCDGu95/w640-h446/istockphoto-959328312-612x612.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue";"><p><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue";"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">I'm the mama of six kids.</span></p>I’m the mama of two boys with Down syndrome.</span><p></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I’m an adoptive mama.</p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">and I’m a pastor’s wife.</p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I never thought I would have six kids, I never thought I would adopt, and I never thought I would have kids with disabilities, but I did always dream of being a pastor’s wife. I sat on my bed in college praying that God would allow me to marry a pastor. Being a pastor’s wife is an identity I longed to hold, but now it is a title I am ready to be done with. </p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Being a mother of two children with disabilities requires so much energy, time, patience, sacrifice, and courage to constantly advocate. It’s not always easy. I remember the inadequacy I felt and the tears I cried at my own weaknesses as I thought about the patience and sacrifice that life with a child with a disability would require of me. Three years after we had my son Breck, who was born with Down syndrome, the Lord called us to adoption. We went from just accepting what God had called us to to actually choosing it. As we were adopting our second child with Down syndrome my friend encouraged me that I would never be alone. She said, “the church and God’s people will support you.” Yes, there has been support. Through the gifts of so many people our adoption was completely covered. We started raising our support in March of 2020 and raised $35,000 in 5 weeks. The Lord provided and God’s people, strangers, family and friends supported this call that God had put on our life. </p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Once the baby was adopted, once the years of hospitalizations had passed, and once the major surgeries were over and meals were not needed anymore suddenly the support seemed less and less. </p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">The stares of pity became more frequent than the conversations of support. </p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">In one instance my son was running from me through the sea of people chatting after the church service. No one stopped to help me. No one bent down to help re-direct my son. No one saw me weaving through the people trying to stop my son and the one person that stopped my eloping son was the local police officer who had been hired to protect the church. </p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">The need for support within the church required our initiative. Support came from a small group of people, but not from the leadership. </p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">In the summer of 2023 it became clear, from the top leadership of our church, that our oldest son with Down syndrome was too disruptive, that he was “aggravating.” He was allowed to be in the back of the church, but not in the sanctuary during the sermon. Things were said like, “you might ask that the congregation be patient with Breck’s needs, but the rest of us would ask that you would be considerate of our needs.” You can guess whose “needs” won out.</p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">“I’ve been in other churches with kids with Down syndrome who don’t go running up and down the aisle yelling” (which he wasn’t doing).</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><br /></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">It was implied that my son’s behavior reflected our poor parenting. </p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">“The Wilkins treat the sanctuary like it’s their living room.” </p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">My role as pastor’s wife and church attender were suddenly in conflict with my role as mother. </p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">These words, the silence from the rest of the session of elders, and the lack of care will still follows me.</p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Church, you missed it. You missed out on them. You missed out on me. </p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Why am I telling this story? </p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><br /></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Today my phone rings and it’s my children’s school. I feel like seeing the name of my kids school on the phone always causes my stomach to drop because it could mean someone is in the nurses station vomiting. Not this time. </p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">“Hi Mrs. Wilkins, this is Ms. X calling from the community school office. I was informed by a teacher here that Breck might be interested in playing on a Tee-Ball team and we wanted to see how we can support you in this. We have community funds available and we would be able to pay for him to participate.” </p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Breck attends a public school and the amount of support, love, kindness, and care we have received is unbelievable.</p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Last summer my other son Ike qualified for a grant from our state for $2,000 to assist us in buying any equipment we needed for him. I was told that if we chose a stroller or wagon we didn’t need any extra paper work because it falls under community engagement. </p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I looked at her with tears in my eyes and said, “So you are telling me that the state of MD is willing to spend $800 on a stroller for my son with Down syndrome so that he can be more engaged in the community, but my church just told me that my child is too loud to participate in the worship service?” I don’t think she really knew what to say. </p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">You know what happens when you’re a pastor’s wife? You can’t tell your truth. You can’t say how hard things are. You can’t talk about how hurt you feel by things that are said or done. </p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Well I’m done with my title as pastor’s wife. So here is my truth. </p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Church, do better. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><br /><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><br /></p>Drew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-84686409379510770482021-03-11T08:42:00.005-08:002021-03-11T13:41:53.996-08:00MORE EXCELLENT<h1 style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSnvoWcxdd-K1dVL8twmipfph83mH8BvtSDAda5CHq9NQvapM6dv1AbSxsrzs6kbJ-G2QjFu_JBSHI8bHvW-JQ4wDZyYzG_FL3tL2w-wfb39lsdyad9skR0l6cBXtw_9EpEOwQxur7tpMy/s2048/71FB298D-D29A-425F-B97C-3241EE17A9D4.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1135" data-original-width="2048" height="354" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSnvoWcxdd-K1dVL8twmipfph83mH8BvtSDAda5CHq9NQvapM6dv1AbSxsrzs6kbJ-G2QjFu_JBSHI8bHvW-JQ4wDZyYzG_FL3tL2w-wfb39lsdyad9skR0l6cBXtw_9EpEOwQxur7tpMy/w640-h354/71FB298D-D29A-425F-B97C-3241EE17A9D4.jpg" width="640" /></a></div></h1><p><span style="font-family: times;">When eloquence and strong reasoning would assert itself over rivals, we are called to something<i> more persuasive</i>.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">When Scripture is wielded and traditions of faith are aimed as threats, the Spirit equips us with something <i>more effective</i>.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">When faith itself would be exhorted as the foundation for rightness and victory, God grants us something <i>more righteous</i>.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">When beautifully pious behavior would outshine and thus tear down opponents, Jesus grants us something <i>more powerful</i>. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">Paul himself calls this the "still <i>more excellent</i> way," and it is love. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">Now I know, at this point I also instinctively want to pull a John Lennon and criticize such naive simplicity of such "silly" love. But Paul (the apostle and, interestingly, McCartney as well) doesn't. And this is SAUL/PAUL! The man who left his dominant religion to join a minority sect, did additional study for decades, rebuked Peter "The Rock" in front of the Jerusalem Church, presented before the Athenian acropolis, and solicited the hearts of Greek, Roman, and Jewish governmental leaders alike. I often DO think that "<span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 33, 36); color: #202124;">people would have h</span><span style="color: #202124;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 33, 36);">ad enough of silly love songs," but Jesus doesn't. Jesus and Paul (both the apostle & McCartney again) gently but emphatically remind us that "it isn't so, oh no."</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">He plants his flag on the hill of love, and refuses to budge. Anything less is as messy as middle school band recital warm-up and as empty as the air.</span></p><p>Rather, <i>"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends"</i> (1 Cor. 13:4-8).</p><p>In the "<i>Grannies Can't Floss"</i> episode of Bluey (one of the best shows) the big sister (Bluey) is fighting with her younger sister (Bingo) over whether grannies can dance the floss or not, and wins. Bingo leaves dejected, and Bluey finds her victory hollow. Her mom asks her, "Bluey, do you want to be right, or do you want Bingo to keep playing?" Now the thing is, their grannie can't dance the floss. So Bluey feels stuck: </p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Should she compromise the truth? </li><li>Should she expect Bingo to admit defeat and come play happily? </li><li>Should she pretend nothing happened and try to just keep playing? </li></ul>Feels familiar right? <div><br /></div><div>Bluey does something else instead: she teaches her grannie to floss. <p></p><p><br /></p><p>This is the way of love. </p><p><br /></p><p>Love subverts power; love lays down victory; love re-writes rightness; love jumps in the way; love will never fail.</p><p>- <i>Drew</i></p><p>----</p><p><i>Lord Jesus, </i></p><p><i>When we are choosing between</i></p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><i>eloquence or love,</i></li><li><i>knowledge or love,</i></li><li><i>faith or love,</i></li><li><i>piety or love,</i></li></ul><div><i>let us live and die on the hill of love, recognizing that it is always a false choice, and that any of those good things without love are not good things at all, but are worthless nothings. Convict our own hearts that </i>"As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. ...but the greatest of these is love" <i>(1 Cor. 13:8).</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>Please show me, my wife, and my children who around us needs this love today, and teach us to stand with them in your love. Protect us from even the "good" things that would compromise it. Let your love be our song. </i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>Amen.</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>REFERENCES:</div><p></p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ap87QgZKTNw" target="_blank"><i>I Love You, </i>by Paul McCartney (Wings)</a></span></li><li><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uyz2K6s7wC4" target="_blank"><i>Grannies, </i>season 1: episode 28 of Bluey</a></span></li></ul><p></p><p><br /></p></div>Drew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-85183041567412990472020-08-10T07:15:00.001-07:002020-08-10T07:48:57.812-07:00Scripture’s Foundation for Justice<div class="page" title="Page 1"><div class="section" style="background-color: white;"><div class="layoutArea"><div class="column"><p><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 10pt; font-weight: 600;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 10pt; font-weight: 600;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeIcCxlL7npzGv9WTife4A2jjaTaixnQ2VVeQ88I7039ErEPQdxK6385TauGJYHEXcCiffesyMHt0HjyYZUWRT9fRGTm-dVWA508d_VXKrhp9ns2LjXK8v8Mg1bkmJ1tY77rJ98aSco_ke/s2048/melodie-descoubes--kjBcfxBsmE-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1365" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeIcCxlL7npzGv9WTife4A2jjaTaixnQ2VVeQ88I7039ErEPQdxK6385TauGJYHEXcCiffesyMHt0HjyYZUWRT9fRGTm-dVWA508d_VXKrhp9ns2LjXK8v8Mg1bkmJ1tY77rJ98aSco_ke/w427-h640/melodie-descoubes--kjBcfxBsmE-unsplash.jpg" width="427" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 10pt; font-weight: 600;">OUR PROBLEM</span><p></p></div></div><div class="layoutArea"><div class="column"><p><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">There is a deeply held belief within Christianity that the pursuit of justice is not the calling of the Church. Many believe that to begin to cross over into social justice issues is to lose sight of the gospel and the saving of souls. “As a revival movement...evangelicalism transformed people within their inherited social setting, but worked only partial and selective transformation on the social settings themselves. Evangelicalism focused on individual conversion and piety. Within this evangelical framework, one could adopt an evangelical expression of Christianity yet remain uncompelled to confront institutional justice.”</span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 7pt; vertical-align: 3pt;">1 </span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">However, God is a God of justice, righteousness, and mercy and these parts of his character are played out in the entire Biblical narrative. The pursuit of justice and racial reconciliation must be addressed by the global Church because God clearly displays in his word that he himself pursues these things.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 10pt; font-weight: 600;">BIBLICAL RESPONSE</span></p><p><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">In the book of Genesis, the crown of creation is mankind who was made in God’s image.</span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 7pt; vertical-align: 3pt;">2 </span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">All humans were made to be equal and to be in relationship with each other. They were called to treat each other with fairness and dignity. Being made in God’s image meant that man is called to reflect God’s image to the world in how they live and act. From the beginning mankind was called to be God’s ambassadors.</span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 7pt; vertical-align: 3pt;">3</span></p><p><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">Adam and Eve chose to eat the fruit in the garden even though God instructed them not to, and so began the plague of sin that has infected all of our hearts. Mankind no longer treated each other with dignity and fairness. Relationships became broken and power was used over others to gain advantage for oneself. However, God did not send them out without a promise of hope, the promise that one day the curse of sin would be crushed.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">As an embodiment of this promise, God made a covenant with Abraham.</span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 7pt; vertical-align: 3pt;">4 </span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">From Abraham’s offspring God would establish for himself a people, giving them both a place and a purpose. We see God’s continued faithfulness to his people by preserving Joseph in Egypt. God’s people are established in Egypt, but are enslaved to Pharaoh. Israel is freed from Egypt and wanders the dessert with God’s presence and promises. Under Moses they are given the law on how they as a people group are to live. “You shall not wrong a sojourner or oppress him, for you were sojourners in the land of Egypt.”</span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 7pt; vertical-align: 3pt;">5 </span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">Israel’s story of oppression in Egypt should lead them to a life that cares for the oppressed and the poor. </span></p></div></div></div><p><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">The people of Israel were given </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">a land that geographically and strategically positioned them to love their neighbor. They were given laws to abide by that would easily display the heart of the lawgiver. “Thus says the Lord: Do justice and righteousness and deliver from the hand of the oppressor him who has been robbed.”</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 7pt; vertical-align: 3pt;">6 </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">God continues to remind his people of his kindness, gentleness, and steadfast love. He reminds them that he is a holy God and that they are called to be holy. Leviticus 19:9-18 lays out clearly how the Israelites are to love their neighbors:</span></p></div><div class="page" title="Page 2"><div class="section" style="background-color: white;"><div class="layoutArea"><div class="column"><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 11pt;">“You shall not strip your vineyard bare, neither shall you gather the fallen grapes of your vineyard. You shall leave them for the poor and for the sojourner: I am the Lord your God” (Lev. 19:10).</span></li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 11pt;">“You shall do no injustice in court. You shall not be partial to the poor or defer to the great, but in righteousness shall you judge your neighbor. You shall not go around as a slanderer among your people, and you shall not stand up against the life of your neighbor: I am the Lord” (Lev. 19:15-16).</span></li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 11pt;">“You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord” (Lev. 19:18).</span></li></ul><p></p><p><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">God declares after a law is stated, “I am the Lord.” The Israelites are to remember that this covenant keeping Lord freed them from oppression, showed them grace and mercy and restored a right relationship with them through the covenant of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob. He is giving them this land because of his covenantal love and not because of their own righteousness.</span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 7pt; vertical-align: 3pt;">7 </span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">This same love that was shown to them was to be the love and righteousness that was displayed to their neighbors. They were to be a signpost in how they lived and treated others that pointed to the Lord. Their acts of justice and kindness were to draw their neighbors to the just and merciful God. Tim Keller explains</span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 7pt; vertical-align: 3pt;">8 </span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">that God’s fulsome display of justice in Scripture is seen in how he expects fair treatment for all people,</span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 7pt; vertical-align: 3pt;">9 </span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">special concern for those without power</span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 7pt; vertical-align: 3pt;">10</span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">, and a radical generosity of all that has been given to them.</span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 7pt; vertical-align: 3pt;">11</span></p><p><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">From the moment that mankind left the garden the desire for power and the desire to rule over others in that power swept over their hearts.</span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 7pt; vertical-align: 3pt;">12 </span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">The sin of oppression and the exploiting of one people group to gain power for one’s own is not a new sin. In Isaiah 58 God uses the prophet to remind his people what their call was:</span></p></div></div></div></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><div class="page" title="Page 3"><div class="section" style="background-color: white;"><div class="layoutArea"><div class="column"><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic;">Is not this the fast that I choose; to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? Then shall your light break forth like the dawn and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; and the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.</span></p></div></div></div></div></blockquote><div class="page" title="Page 3"><div class="section" style="background-color: white;"><div class="layoutArea"><div class="column"><p><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">Israel rebelled from God’s law, oppressed their neighbors and rejected God’s call.</span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 7pt; vertical-align: 3pt;">13 </span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">The prophets were sent to remind Israel of their identity and mission:</span></p><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 11pt;"><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-size: 11pt;">“He has told you, O man, what is good; and what the Lord requires of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8).</span></li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-size: 11pt;">“Hate evil, and love good, and establish justice in the gate; it may be that the Lord, the God of hosts, will be gracious to the remnant of Joseph” (Amos 5:15).</span></li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11pt;">“But let justice roll down like waters, and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream” (Amos 5:24)</span></li></ul></span><p style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Though Israel refused to listen and follow the Lord, God kept his covenant. In Isaiah 30:18 he says, “Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice, blessed are all those who wait for him.” God’s justice is relational. He’s promised redemption from the beginning because he longs for his people to be reconciled him and to each other. God’s people did not deserve this grace. They oppressed others and others oppressed them. They deserved separation from God, but he longed for reconciliation with his people because he is a God of justice and righteousness.</span></p><p style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Jesus, God’s son, came to earth as a baby born in a cattle stall, lived as a man, was crucified and raised so that we who are oppressed by sin and in turn have become oppressors may be reconciled to God. In Luke 4:18-19 he says, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” Jesus didn’t come to be served but to serve. He didn’t come to rule with power but to serve with humility. He ate with sinners and physically touched the outcast. He spoke to the heart of ethnic outsiders.</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; vertical-align: 3pt;">14 </span><span style="font-size: 11pt;">He healed the sick and the blind. He fed the hungry with food while sharing that he alone is the way the truth and the life and no one comes to the Father except through him.</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; vertical-align: 3pt;">15 </span><span style="font-size: 11pt;">We as Christians, God’s image bearers, have been called and even saved to a life of justice. </span></p><p style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">God has commanded and displayed through Jesus that he is a God who fights for the weak, the oppressed, and the </span><span style="font-size: 11pt;">powerless. Jesus pushes back against those who aren’t fighting for justice. In Matthew 23:23 he speaks to the pharisees and says, “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others.”</span></p><p style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></p></div></div></div></div><div class="page" title="Page 4"><div class="section" style="background-color: white;"><div class="layoutArea"><div class="column"><p><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 10pt; font-weight: 600;">OUR CALL</span></p><p><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">Paul Tripp’s words are poignant and helpful in this discussion.</span></p></div></div></div></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div class="page" title="Page 4"><div class="section" style="background-color: white;"><div class="layoutArea"><div class="column"><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic;">Jesus calls justice, mercy, and faithfulness. This is our Savior. This is the hero of the story. This is the epicenter. This is the one into whom we are being formed into His likeness. This is the one who says, "The weightier matters of the law are justice, mercy, and faithfulness.”</span></p></div></div></div></div><div class="page" title="Page 4"><div class="section" style="background-color: white;"><div class="layoutArea"><div class="column"><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic;">You see, here's God's plan. Until we are on the other side in the new heavens and new earth, where perfect justice will reign in righteousness forever, here's the plan. We are called to be God's ambassadors. And that means God makes His invisible justice visible by sending people of justice to stand for, to defend people who are experiencing injustice. Life between the already and the not yet is ambassadorial. I'm always, in every way, called to represent the message, the method, and the character of the King, and justice is close to the heart of our Savior King.</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 7pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: 3pt;">16</span></p></div></div></div></div></blockquote><div class="page" title="Page 4"><div class="section" style="background-color: white;"><div class="layoutArea"><div class="column"><p><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">John tells us that “By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.”</span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 7pt; vertical-align: 3pt;">17</span></p><p><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">James instructs us asking, “What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace, be warmed and filled,’ without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.”</span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 7pt; vertical-align: 3pt;">18</span></p><p><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;">God uses his people to display his love to a broken world. When we know and understand how deeply sin affects our relationship with creation, ourselves, and others, then we understand how deeply we need a Savior. The biblical narrative displays so clearly that God is a God of justice and his people have been called to carry out this mission to a broken world. As ambassadors called to bring the message of reconciliation we must invest in acts of justice. We must weep with those who weep. We must fight for the oppressed with the same boldness, compassion, and love that Jesus fought with for us as he went to the cross.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: avenirnext;"><span style="font-size: 14.666666984558105px;">______________</span></span></p><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 6pt; vertical-align: 2pt;"><div class="column"><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 6pt; vertical-align: 2pt;"><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 6pt; vertical-align: 2pt;">1 </span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 9pt;">Jemar Tisby, </span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 9pt; font-style: italic;">The Color of Compromise, </span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 9pt;">p. 50.<br /></span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 6pt; vertical-align: 2pt;">2 </span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 9pt;">Genesis 1:26<br /></span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 6pt; vertical-align: 2pt;">3 </span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 9pt;">II Corinthians 5:17-21<br /></span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 6pt; vertical-align: 2pt;">4 </span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 9pt;">Genesis 15<br /></span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 6pt; vertical-align: 2pt;">5 </span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 9pt;">Exodus 22:21<br /></span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 6pt; vertical-align: 2pt;">6 </span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 9pt;">Jeremiah 22:3<br /></span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 6pt; vertical-align: 2pt;">7 </span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 9pt;">Deuteronomy 9:5-6<br /></span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 6pt; vertical-align: 2pt;">8 </span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 9pt; font-style: italic;">Race, Grace, Talk with Tim Keller and Bryan Stevenson, </span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 9pt;">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MyBfOX5OHRQ</span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 9pt; font-style: italic;">, </span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 9pt;">accessed 7.21.20.<br /></span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 6pt; vertical-align: 2pt;">9 </span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 9pt;">Leviticus 24:22<br /></span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 6pt; vertical-align: 2pt;">10 </span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 9pt;">Proverbs 31:9-9, Proverbs 14:31, Proverbs 19:17, Psalm 68:4<br /></span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 6pt; vertical-align: 2pt;">11 </span><span style="font-family: avenirnext; font-size: 9pt;">Leviticus 19:10<br /></span><span style="font-size: 6pt; vertical-align: 2pt;"><span style="font-size: 6pt; vertical-align: 2pt;">12 </span><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Genesis 4:8<br /></span></span><span style="font-size: 6pt; vertical-align: 2pt;">13 </span><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Judges 2:16-19, Micah 3:5 <br /></span><span style="font-size: 6pt; vertical-align: 2pt;">14 </span><span style="font-size: 9pt;">John 4:7<br /></span><span style="font-size: 6pt; vertical-align: 2pt;">15 </span><span style="font-size: 9pt;">John 14:6<br /></span><span style="font-size: 6pt; vertical-align: 2pt;">16 </span><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Paul Tripp, The Gospel, The Church, And Racial Injustice, https://www.paultripp.com/wednesdays-word/posts/ the-gospel-the-church-and-racial-injustice, accessed 7.21.20.<br /></span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 6pt; vertical-align: 2pt;">17 </span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 9pt;">1 John 3:16-18<br /></span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 6pt; vertical-align: 2pt;">18 </span><span style="font-family: AvenirNext; font-size: 9pt;">James 2:14-17</span><br /></p></span></div></span></div></div></div></div>Drew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-21301311833690803362020-04-08T13:48:00.000-07:002020-04-08T13:48:05.873-07:00Fear of Death<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvCUkX2tkbZboP2jDbWw-PtiCpxLB26G9uJKPZ8Al7_Bp_QxamwOxeZ2CmZIGGp4Kt7t1em08bhax_A56JZaapxqIpbLZmqIDcaVWSg_G9dG6NZxebfj3l_8W9aZ-muRUDsez3Shlnw0XN/s1600/rod-long-iTi3rjZyF4k-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1067" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvCUkX2tkbZboP2jDbWw-PtiCpxLB26G9uJKPZ8Al7_Bp_QxamwOxeZ2CmZIGGp4Kt7t1em08bhax_A56JZaapxqIpbLZmqIDcaVWSg_G9dG6NZxebfj3l_8W9aZ-muRUDsez3Shlnw0XN/s640/rod-long-iTi3rjZyF4k-unsplash.jpg" width="426" /></a></div>
I've always been afraid of dying. I love Jesus and I have since I was eleven, and yes, I know what death means, but I am still scared. Before I was married I was scared of missing out on falling in love. After Drew and I were married I was terrified of Drew dying. When Drew and I were first married his two youngest brothers were visiting us in Colorado and Drew had to drive in a blizzard to the airport. I was in tears at the thought of him leaving and through my blubbering I mumbled, "I will go because I would rather die than you." I will never forget the looks on his brother's faces, "Who is this crazy woman?" My fear of death turned to missing out on having children to then, once we had kids, terrified of dying and leaving my family. I was paralyzed by this fear after I had my first daughter Anna and that fear has been present after each child. Hearing stories about children losing their parents early on and the ramifications of that loss and tragedy often sends me down the rabbit hole of despair. I've watched my own father wrestle with his humanity as his Lymphoma was getting worse and then I watched him in his bed frail and weak facing death. I've lost other family members, and even recently an uncle that I loved dearly. The grief of death is real, deep, and painful.<br />
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I have to fight the darkness of these thoughts when I hear of young mothers dying, cancer, car accidents, and now Covid-19. Covid-19 has brought a new reality and therefore some deep fears. I have found an anger well up inside me when Drew has to leave to go to work. I lashed out in anger at my daughter Anna when she forgot and went right up to the mailman to receive the mail. My hands are cracking and bleeding because I am washing them so much. I don't want to hear someone tell me that God numbers our days. I don't want to hear about God's sovereignty over our lives. I know these things. I've studied the theology behind these things. I want my control and I don't want anyone to take it away from me. I hate this virus and I want this all to be over!<br />
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Can I really join with Paul when he says, "Indeed, I count everything as a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." Philippians 3:8<br />
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Or, "For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I can not tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better."<br />
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Can I look at death in the face and say with Paul, "O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?"<br />
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No, I really can't! I actually have a hard time reading these verses because they are convicting of my lack of faith. The idols of my heart of control, comfort, and ease. The onset of this pandemic has sent me spiraling. Scrolling past pastors on my Instagram feed (even my own husband) because I don't want to hear the truth. I want to stand in the corner, cover my ears and wait for it all to pass so I can return to my naive sense of control. I've seen this sin in my heart before. This fear of death is not new to me. This desire for control is probably one of my top sins. So what do I do with all of this? How can I possibly move forward? The truth is I can't just get past it or move on. The Spirit that is in me calls me to grow. God's word calls me to turn from my sin to Jesus. This week is Holy Week where we celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus. Romans 5:6, "For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly." I am weak and after listening to a sermon by Tim Keller this morning I was convicted that if I am to celebrate Easter then I have to take a look at my sin and my fear of death. My fear of death and desire for control have been crucified with Christ. As a believer I am no longer a slave to these sins, but have been redeemed through Christ's death and resurrection.<br />
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Romans 6:9-11 says, <i>"</i>We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. So you must also consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus." Being united to Christ through his death means that death and sin NO longer have dominion over me.<br />
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Keller pointed out Acts 2:22-24. The first Easter sermon preached:<br />
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"Men of Israel, hear these words: Jesus of Nazareth, a man attested to you by God with mighty works and wonders and signs that God did through him in your midst, as you yourselves know--This Jesus, delivered up according to the definite plan and foreknowledge of God, you crucified and killed by the hands of lawless men. God raised him up, loosing the pangs of death, because it was not possible for him to be held by it."<br />
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Also Hebrews 2:14-15, "Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery."<br />
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Loosing the pangs of death! As Keller said today by quoting George Herbert, "Death used to be an executioner, but because of the gospel it has become a gardener."<br />
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For believers death is not the end because of Jesus' resurrection. "To die is to gain" because to be with Christ is by far greater. This does not take away the sting on this earth when we lose someone we love. Even Jesus grieved death on earth. He looked death in the face after Lazarus died and roared like an angry lion ready to defeat his prey. Death would not have the victory because Jesus would.<br />
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If Drew were to die tomorrow my heart would scream and I would wrestle with Jesus, but he would never let go of me. I would continue to bring my fears before the Lord and ask him to help me in my unbelief. I would eventually see the hope again because the same Spirit that rose Jesus from the dead is working in my heart.<br />
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Covid-19 is running rampant in the world and taking people's lives and if you are like me, sitting in fear or hiding in the corner closing your ears, I invite you to lift up your head with me and look at the empty grave. Lament, grieve, cry, and scream at all the brokenness around us, and then celebrate Jesus this Easter!<br />
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"Death is swallowed up in victory."<br />
"O death, where is your victory?"<br />
"O death, where is your sting?"<br />
"The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."<br />
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<br />Drew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-71718146151935310002020-03-21T09:36:00.000-07:002020-03-21T09:36:00.809-07:00Our Adoption Story!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl5nHrEdcVWdeHywnYWZN-EnZwcyrQtSREQe_tgc_hqm6a07U4TGddScdhbQI6sUGu54SrepKTJVcRzOPNm3NUDoSNUmbXnoyFdszEXaMJLvMNqeCyqpKJg0LlH_PTSe9OX79uGH9PFohI/s1600/07DB715A-EB0D-4D6C-982F-69598EA972CF_1_100_o.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1067" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl5nHrEdcVWdeHywnYWZN-EnZwcyrQtSREQe_tgc_hqm6a07U4TGddScdhbQI6sUGu54SrepKTJVcRzOPNm3NUDoSNUmbXnoyFdszEXaMJLvMNqeCyqpKJg0LlH_PTSe9OX79uGH9PFohI/s640/07DB715A-EB0D-4D6C-982F-69598EA972CF_1_100_o.jpeg" width="425" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: right;">Andy Ew Photography </td></tr>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">In grace, he leads you where you didn't plan to go in order to produce in you what you couldn't achieve on your own. In these moments, he works to alter the values of your heart so that you let go of your little kingdom of one and give yourself to his kingdom of glory and grace. </span></i><br />
- Paul David Tripp, <i>New Morning Mercies, </i>Feb. 1st. <br />
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This adoption journey started for us in 2005 and began to come to fruition for us in 2018. Since then we've been working out our timing, filling out LOTS of forms, getting home study approved, and are now finally working on our profile book so that we will be able to be considered by a birth family! <br />
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The Lord has called us to adopt a baby with Down syndrome, and we are excited to be working with the <a href="https://www.ndsan.org/" target="_blank">National Down Syndrome Adoption Network (NDSAN)</a>. This network is based in Cincinnati and is a resource for families who receive a Down syndrome diagnosis. In the United States 60-90% of pregnancies that receive a Down syndrome diagnosis are terminated. This percentage is even greater in other countries. The NDSAN, as well as many families who have a child with Down syndrome, are working to shift the narrative of what it looks like to love and raise a person with Down syndrome. The NDSAN offers education so birth families can understand the joys and challenges that come along with Down syndrome. They also offer a registry of families that are interested in adopting a child with Down syndrome, and we will be one of these families! The NDSAN is not an adoption agency, but rather a consulting network. Once we are matched with a birth family we will then work with the local agency that the birth family has chosen. The NDSAN works with ethical and responsible adoption agencies and has been working in this field for many years. Stephanie, the director, personally walks with families through the process and is there for support and encouragement along the way. <a href="https://www.ndsan.org/" target="_blank">Please check out the NDSAN website!</a><br />
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For fundraising we will be working with <a href="https://www.wovenpapyrus.org/" target="_blank">Woven Papyrus</a> which is a non-profit located in Greensboro NC. They are connected to a church that was planted out of The Summit churches here in the Triangle area. It was started by a group of men who have a heart for adoption and long to see children brought into homes where they will grow up hearing the gospel and knowing Jesus. They will offer support for us for fundraising through helping us build teams of families <b>(that's you!)</b> who are willing to host fundraisers for us to raise money that will go towards our adoption. Some fundraiser ideas might be selling your art, baking pies, car washes, a local neighborhood 5K, serving a widow in your community, or fixing people's bikes or cars! The great thing about Woven Papyrus is they will help organize and support our teams, build our fundraising website, and even help each team think of of what fundraiser might work for them. The best news is that this is all free to us and <b>100% of donations go towards our adoption!</b> <a href="https://www.wovenpapyrus.org/" target="_blank">Please check out the Woven Papyrus website too!</a><br />
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Our financial goal will be right around $30,000 - and that feels like a lot. But it would only take 20 teams to raise $1500 each to fully meet our need! Right now recruiting fundraising team mates is our first priority, but if you'd just like to give right away, we'll accept that too! Woven Papyrus will be getting our donation platform set up soon, but go ahead and email us (lindseyawilkins@gmail.com) for more immediate options.<br />
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We are so excited to watch God unfold this next chapter of our story and for you to be a part of it with us. Stay tuned for further updates, and please message us if you are interested in being a part of our fundraising team!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTgBI3KHyEQN0Zc64wyddHpfWHXw60cB3jvn8gz3Ke2VBYm6B3ePS4aEbWUiZgOqIyRLchpD01G0Y4y17CUC37TEQGswzZ4ztEC7eFZ_5K-0RP3HZ8ARJXVp3v7fE2EXAy_b1h8_m2_-K5/s1600/BC9686CE-2753-49A0-BE79-BFA65927AAF1_1_100_o.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTgBI3KHyEQN0Zc64wyddHpfWHXw60cB3jvn8gz3Ke2VBYm6B3ePS4aEbWUiZgOqIyRLchpD01G0Y4y17CUC37TEQGswzZ4ztEC7eFZ_5K-0RP3HZ8ARJXVp3v7fE2EXAy_b1h8_m2_-K5/s640/BC9686CE-2753-49A0-BE79-BFA65927AAF1_1_100_o.jpeg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: right;">Photo by Andy Ew.</td></tr>
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<br />Drew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-92167511542389052242020-03-21T09:34:00.001-07:002020-03-21T10:32:44.270-07:00Happy World Down Syndrome Day! And GUESS WHAT...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Drew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-32263704989079756062018-12-12T14:13:00.000-08:002020-03-21T06:44:56.040-07:00Sweeping Up Dirt and Tears<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghDJNHGg3naeh-gIOmc9fT-tRuXY4oTHVJ94EwSKBHvpLV6_Zp5MHNa8XE1Wt7KoyJTfXVsQl60uHZADPnlIfDhzn7aOD8xMA2ebZ9K9-ZtHx-fygzoXRUwev5yaBZ0yzBqah69FnoLYtV/s1600/Broom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="950" height="336" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghDJNHGg3naeh-gIOmc9fT-tRuXY4oTHVJ94EwSKBHvpLV6_Zp5MHNa8XE1Wt7KoyJTfXVsQl60uHZADPnlIfDhzn7aOD8xMA2ebZ9K9-ZtHx-fygzoXRUwev5yaBZ0yzBqah69FnoLYtV/s640/Broom.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
I heard my phone buzzing in the midst of all of the other noises circling around me. I answered it and felt a wave of comfort as I heard the familiar voice of my husband on the other line.<br />
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<i>Drew: "Hi, do you have a second to talk?'</i><br />
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<i>Me: "Sure, just sweeping up dirt off the ground." (said with every bit of bitterness and self-pity you could imagine)</i><br />
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<i>(Loud noises of four children still going on in the background)</i><br />
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<i>Drew: "Well, let me affirm that you are not just sweeping up dirt, but you are doing a noble task that serves our family and I delight in you and your heart and the ways that you serve our family so faithfully and most importantly it brings glory to your Heavenly Father and is dignified kingdom work."</i><br />
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The tears began to stream down my face and mingle into the dirt that I continued to sweep up. He was speaking truth to my heart, but not truth that I believe. If you could peek inside my heart on an hourly basis you would see a whole lot of ugliness and restlessness. From one moment I'm delighting in the joy of cultivating a family of seven and the beauty of creating a home that is warm and safe where my children feel known. A home where they are daily reminded that it is Jesus who works in their hearts and a home where repentance, forgiveness and grace dominate. The next moment I am dreaming of how I can catch the next plane to the closest all inclusive beach resort. How I can finally use those two masters degrees that I worked so hard to get, and praying that a maid would just suddenly appear on my front porch carrying dinner. This is called self-pity and lately this is a sin that my heart loves to dance in.<br />
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Honestly, it's exhausting.<br />
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As parents, we hear so many messages that we try to stuff into our hearts to cure the restlessness that we feel in the midst of the mundane, but they never fill the hole.<br />
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<i>"Enjoy them while they are little because they grow up so fast."</i></div>
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<i>"Don't worry about the dishes, just spend time enjoying your children."</i></div>
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<i>"Yes, the little years are hard, but wait until they grow up. It gets even harder."</i></div>
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<i>"Just go drink some wine, that will help!"</i></div>
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These words don't offer hope or comfort, but instead feel like death. </div>
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I know I am not the only parent that feels this way. I know this is not the first blog post on how the mundane of each day is exhausting, but as I continue on this journey to cultivate this life that the Lord has given me, today I had to stop and confess. Why does my heart dance in the lake of self-pity and restlessness? Because my heart is broken and needs Jesus. I sat quietly this morning at Caribou Coffee and reflected on my heart and I was once again led to lament and repentance.<br />
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I don't need platitudes to cure my restlessness, I need Christ. I need to come yet again to the foot of the cross and confess how hard the mundane is. Confess how hard the calling of being a parent is. How I don't want to wipe another bottom or pick up another piece of clothing off the floor. What the Lord reminded me of this morning is that it's just ok to be in this ugly and messy place because his love is steadfast. So here I sit, restless and struggling yet again with the calling that the Lord has given me to stay at home and raise these four almost five little ones, but I know I am not without hope. I am going to ask the Lord to help me to trust that Jesus loves me in this messy place and I am not going to drink from the empty well of platitudes. I will continue each day to confess how hard it is and ask the Lord to help me believe that the work I am doing is dignified and beautiful and I will hold tightly to him on the days it's easy to believe and on the days that my heart is restless.<br />
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<i>"Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."</i></div>
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<i>Psalm 143:8</i></div>
-photo credit: pexels.com<br />
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<br />Drew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-10682678762589286042018-11-07T18:42:00.001-08:002018-11-07T18:42:47.560-08:00I Never Imagined...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3YeuswGrPXYfPGd1n1ooCg29s4sCoQrU-MU8Og9ljLcmWylKcrazGnWwnrAaB5neT7qGNhFQFKL7-OXoEAncUiEHcW3K1X7H2r_a573p0BC7LfwDznOTFSVp2Ij16cbHlEFn3_fUoZCCH/s1600/pexels-photo-236164.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="853" data-original-width="1280" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3YeuswGrPXYfPGd1n1ooCg29s4sCoQrU-MU8Og9ljLcmWylKcrazGnWwnrAaB5neT7qGNhFQFKL7-OXoEAncUiEHcW3K1X7H2r_a573p0BC7LfwDznOTFSVp2Ij16cbHlEFn3_fUoZCCH/s640/pexels-photo-236164.jpeg" width="640" /></a>Sitting in the glowing blue hospital room, the whirling sound of the ventilation system filling the room, and seeing my baby through the slats of his white hospital crib I texted my friend. "I never imagined I would be one of these moms. If you know what I mean." She responded with three simple words. "I know friend." My friend started her journey way before me. Our stories are different, but either way we both entered a world we never imagined. I remember watching her from afar and thinking, "I could never do what she does." I had no idea that one day I would be.<br />
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My journey into motherhood is never what I imagined it would be:<br />
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<i>I never imagined I would get pregnant within the first month of trying.</i><br />
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<i>I never imagined I would lose that baby.</i><br />
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<i>I never imagined the entitled anger at God that I would feel after losing our first baby.</i><br />
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<i>I never imagined I would lose another baby.</i><br />
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<i>I never imagined I would face the question of, "Can I even have babies?"</i><br />
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<i>I never imagined the love and complete fear I would feel as my first child was placed in my arms.</i><br />
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<i>I never imagined I would face such deep postpartum anxiety and OCD.</i><br />
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<i>I never imagined I would hear the doctor say, "There's your baby and there's your other baby!" TWINS!</i><br />
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<i>I never imagined I would be visiting my baby in the NICU rather then bringing him home.</i><br />
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<i>I never imagined I would hear the words, "We believe your baby has Downs Syndrome."</i><br />
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I've been stretched physically and emotionally. I've cried a lot, I mean a lot. I've told God, "I can't do this." I've asked those hard questions to God. I've been paralyzed by fear because of anxiety and intrusive thoughts. I've lamented to the Lord my struggle with being a mom and the mundaneness and exhaustion of it all. I've lost my patience and repented thousands of times. I've given so many hugs and kisses!<br />
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My friend didn't give me platitudes.<br />
She didn't say, "It's ok, don't worry. God's got you." She didn't try to take away the pain. She simply affirmed. She simply affirmed that it's hard.<br />
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A year ago today Breck was transported to the hospital in an ambulance after he stopped breathing and collapsed in my arms. I never imagined I would experience all that this past year has brought or the experiences that the last five years of motherhood has given me. It has been the hardest and most joyful things I've ever experienced. Through these last five years and especially this past year I have watched God meet me in everything and provide for me the strength, energy, and courage I needed to face so many things I never imagined I would have to face. His grace and kindness are good and motherhood has taught me to lean on it and to lean in hard!<br />
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<br />Drew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-41376452263599134252018-06-17T14:01:00.001-07:002018-06-17T14:01:50.286-07:00Being A Stone Catcher <div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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Bryan's boldness is inspiring and has left me praying that God would continue to show me how to push back the darkness and speak redemption into this broken world. Reading this book has caused me to pray that God would show me the prejudices that exists within my heart and that he would replace it with compassion and a desire to learn. Bryan breaks down the lives of convicted felons and allows the reader a glimpse into their stories: stories of abuse, abandonment, neglect, disabilities, and addiction.<br />
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"This book is about getting closer to mass incarceration and extreme punishment in America. It is about how easily we condemn people in this country and the injustice we create when we allow fear, anger, and distance to shape the way we treat the most vulnerable among us."<br />
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"We have shot, hanged, gassed, electrocuted, and lethally injected hundreds of people to carry out legally sanctioned executions. Thousands more await their execution on death row. Some states have no minimum age for prosecuting children as adults; we've sent a quarter million kids to adult jails and prisons to serve long prison terms, some under the age of twelve."<br />
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"Hundreds of thousands of nonviolent offenders have been forced to spend decades in prison. We've created laws that make writing a bad check or committing a petty theft a minor property crime an offense that can result in life imprisonment. We have declared a costly war on people with substance abuse problems. There are more then a half-million people in state or federal prisons for drug offenses today, up from 41,000 in 1980."<br />
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These statistics are sobering and heartbreaking to me. The ugly part of my heart wants to write the criminals off and as I turn my back say, "your choices have consequences." What I appreciate about Bryan is that he recognizes the need for justice and the need for punishment for crimes that are committed, but he is fighting the ways that justice has become corrupted. He is fighting for the dignity of humanity. He is looking at the human behind the crime and approaching them with compassion and a need for mercy.<br />
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"Finally, I've come to believe that the true measure of our commitment to justice, the character of our society, our commitment to the rule of law, fairness, and equality cannot be measured by we treat the rich, the powerful, the privileged, and the respected among us. The true measure of our character is how we treat the poor, the disfavored, the accused, the incarcerated, and the condemned."<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">"We are all implicated when we allow other people to be mistreated."</span></i></div>
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What a convicting line! This book illustrates through the stories of Bryan's clients the conditions and violence that prisoners endure. This line brings me first to repentance for the ways that I haven't stood up for those who are mistreated. This line calls me to pray how I can continue to be about God's kingdom and pushing back the affects of the fall. Maybe this doesn't mean working in this arena of brokenness, but maybe it means entering other arenas of brokenness where people's dignity has been taken away. Most of all it calls me to pray for the fullness of Christ's redemption to come!</div>
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At the end of the book he recounts the story of coming out of the courtroom after winning another case and freeing a man who had been in prison for 50 years and had gone blind. As he was leaving exhausted from the day he met a lady who he thought he had seen before. It turns out that she spends a lot of time at the courthouse. She lost her grandson to a violent crime and watched the boys that shot him convicted and taken away to prison.</div>
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"When I first came, I'd look for people who had lost someone to murder or some violent crime. Then it got to the point where some of the ones grieving the most were the ones whole children or parents were on trial, so I just starting letting anyone lean on me who needed it. All of these young children being sent to prison forever, all this grief and violence. Those judges throwing people away like they're not even human, people shooting each other, hurting each other like they don't care. I don't know, its a lot of pain. I decided that I was supposed to be here to catch some of the stones people cast at each other."</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>A stone catcher</i></span></div>
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Jesus is the ultimate stone catcher. Jesus, who sees our crimes, our offenses, the darkness in our hearts, the way we hurt others, the way we don't stand up for the mistreated and he has compassion and says I will catch all of those stones that you hurl because I love you. I will sacrifice my life in order that you might live. I will offer you mercy and grace though you don't deserve it. I see the ugliness of your heart and the offenses you commit daily and I love you. </div>
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I am praying that Jesus teaches me how to be a compassionate stone catcher. How to daily repent of the ways that I cast stones and how to continue pursuing ways to fight for those who are hurting and show them the love of the one who catches all of our stones. </div>
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Drew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-57678444930064796772018-06-15T15:05:00.000-07:002018-06-15T18:55:51.036-07:00What Can I Do? I Can Do Hard Things!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I payed the parking lot attendant my two dollars and wished her a happy weekend! I pulled out my phone to ask Siri to show me how to get home, and Siri's response was, ”Just a second!" I mean really Siri what else could you possibly be doing that you have to put me on hold? I continued to ask her for directions as I drove towards the on ramp for the highway and she continued to give me similar responses. Without much hope of Siri being helpful I started the drive towards home from Nationwide Chrildren's Hospital, a place that I have frequented many times this past year, but definitely a place where I never expected I would spend so much time. Driving on busy highways and having to navigate through multiple interstate changes makes me anxious, and this is exactly how it is when we drive from our house to the hospital. Since Siri wasn't much help I was on my own to go by memory, and guess what, I did it! You know why? Because I can do hard things!</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">This is a mantra in our family. When our kids face challenges and overcome them we say, “What can you do?” They respond with so much confidence and energy that it fills my soul with bravery, "I can do hard things!" </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">As I navigated through downtown Columbus my mind wandered to all of the hard things I've done throughout my life, but especially this year. As a person whose default is fear, God continues to do a transformative work in my heart showing me that my default response doesn’t have to be fear, but rather trust and boldness because when Christ faced the challenge of death on the cross he went with boldness and confidence in the strength and will of his Father. He didn’t go without fear, but rather confessed his fear, and depended on his Father for the strength he needed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">The words of Paul in Phillippians 4:13 are words that every Christian is familiar with. "I can do all things through him who strengthens me." I hesitate to even use this verse as I write this post because of all the baggage that often goes along with it. So often these words are repeated to hurting people as though they are supposed to just put a smile on their face and continue forward. As Christians we want to sew these words into OUR super hero capes and fly through life believing that we can do it all because Christ will just give us what we need. Rather, these words are supposed to turn our eyes towards Jesus, recognizing that HE is the hero and any hard things that we do are only supposed to point us to him and his glory. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">When Paul is writing this letter to the church in Philippi he is sitting in prison after being arrested for following the call that Christ gave him to tell the gospel to the Gentiles. In verses 11-13 he says: </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty, and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me." </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Before these verses he writes in 1:6, <i>"I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Jesus is working in Paul. He turned Paul's heart from stone to flesh and gave him what seemed to be an impossible task, “Go tell the Gentiles about me!” Paul knew what it meant to face suffering and he knew what it meant to be transformed by it. He is reminding the church in Philippi of the good work that God is doing and will continue to do in them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own."</i> — Philippians 3:7-12.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Paul knew that Jesus was the one who called him to the hard tasks and he knew that Jesus was the one who gave him the strength to do it. Doing hard things and facing suffering means closer relationship with Jesus because we get a front row seat of seeing his strength working within us. The power of his resurrection working within us pushes back the sin, shame, fear, pride, and disbelief and allows us to step out onto the platform of the challenge and say with boldness that I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who gives me strength. Standing on this platform with boldness doesn’t mean we won’t face fear, pain, grief, or sadness, but as we stand we have freedom in Christ to face those things in the midst of pursuing something hard because we know that he is holding us by his righteous right hand! </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I can, by God’s grace, face the sadness of losing two babies.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I can, by God’s grace, get through severe postpartum anxiety after having Anna </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I can, by God’s grace, give birth to twins without drugs</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I can, by God’s grace, face the sadness of losing my dad to cancer</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I can, by God’s grace, face the unhealthiness of relationships in my life</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I can, by God’s grace, face the sadness of abuse that I faced</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I can, by God’s grace, repent daily of my weaknesses</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I can, by God’s grace, repent daily of my strengths</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I can, by God’s grace, face 4 weeks in the NICU with my fourth child</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I can, by God’s grace, hear the words “Your child has Downs Syndrome.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I can, by God’s grace, navigate a new world of raising a child with special needs</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I can, by God’s grace, put my child on oxygen every night before bed</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I can, by God’s grace, live faithfully in the mundaneness of being a stay at home mom</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I can, by God’s grace, run a 5K </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I can by God’s grace, potty train twins</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I can, by God’s grace, keep trying to learn the dang guitar</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I can, by God’s grace, face my daily anxiety and fear</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Doing hard things this year has caused me to cling to Christ and caused me to look back and see the grace of God leading me through all of the hard things of my life. I’ve seen the power of the resurrection working in my heart leading me towards repentance and transformation. My heart has been transformed this year in ways that I never could have imagined!</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">What can I do? I can do hard things through the power of Christ working in and through me! Maybe one day I will go on that skydiving adventure with Drew! </span></div>
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Drew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-48398075381043653712018-02-25T20:52:00.001-08:002018-02-25T20:52:11.705-08:00Disappointment: A Window to Hope.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisfnWSM1KdJahDf8b6WiWAc_VSxgqRX63x5Wh63RNALBfnvvJtOOrXn2vDLIIVUUFI_wLMJp7Wlm_obunHqqyJ_6Ya6E4O-k08wjqFNKxEED4aKKACsvz5YRME3_jbNnbwJijXuon9ojpu/s1600/pexels-photo-209500.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisfnWSM1KdJahDf8b6WiWAc_VSxgqRX63x5Wh63RNALBfnvvJtOOrXn2vDLIIVUUFI_wLMJp7Wlm_obunHqqyJ_6Ya6E4O-k08wjqFNKxEED4aKKACsvz5YRME3_jbNnbwJijXuon9ojpu/s640/pexels-photo-209500.jpeg" width="640" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Disappointment! It's the worst! It's that feeling of being all dressed up in your new outfit for church and then you spill your coffee all over yourself. It's the excitement and anticipation of going on a vacation that you have dreamed about and then coming down with the stomach virus once you are there. Disappointment runs from</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"> the little and mundane things of life all the way to the deep tragedies that we pray we never have to face. It hits when you've been praying for a baby and longing to be a mama and then suddenly losing the baby to miscarriage. It's the sadness and grief of watching a marriage that you thought was the dream fall apart before your eyes. It's hearing the dreaded diagnosis from the doctor. Disappointment crushes our hearts. We can easily become jaded and expect to be let down at every turn. When we get to this place it means we have looked for hope in things that were never meant to satisfy. Disappointment is a part of our everyday broken world, but it does not have the final word.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">This weekend we celebrated my daughter's fifth birthday. She has been anticipating this weekend since the beginning of January. This girl is exactly like me; she loves a good plan! I wrote out a calendar for her so that she could mark off each day leading up to her special day. Our plans were all set! Her actual birthday was on Thursday and she woke up to balloons, decorations, gifts and a special breakfast. My husband and I surprised her at lunch time and she handed out her special treat to her friends. That evening I made her requested dinner of Shepherd's Pie and we attended a friend's middle school performance of Aladdin. Friday was a date with mama and daddy. We took her to breakfast and ice skating. It was such a fun morning together! As we were leaving the rink I could see the sadness and disappointment hit her. This day, that she had been looking so forward to, was coming to an end. As we drove home she began crying because she wanted to go back, and I felt my mind begin to race: What can we do now? We have a few minutes maybe we could run to Chick-Fil-A - or better yet, I can drop Drew off so he can relieve the babysitter and I can take Anna to Chick-Fil-A - we could set another time for ice skating and make another calendar. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I just wanted to take the sadness away. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">My girl was experiencing disappointment. She did not need another grand event to wipe the disappointment away, but rather she needed me to affirm her feelings and then head home with her.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I am not sure I've named this outloud before, but I think part of our parenting strategy (as hard as it is, and as much as I dislike it) is letting our kids face disappointment. Disappointment will ALWAYS be a part of this abnormal world until Jesus comes back! Jesus died for the disappointments of this life. He's bringing redemption to each moment that we face. Washing away these moments for our kids with a new toy or the promise of another grand adventure takes away the opportunity to point to the one who will never disappoint them. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">"For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God." 2 Corinthians 1:20</span></span><span class="p" style="color: #001320; font-size: 16px; line-height: 13px; text-align: justify;"><br /></span></i></span><br />
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<span style="color: #001320; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: #fdfeff;">The love and forgiveness of God will never disappoint. It is always available and freely given to us because of Christ. This is our hope and our children's hope in the face of disappointment.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #001320; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: #fdfeff;">So how do we practically walk through this with our kids? We let them be sad, and man, this is not easy!</span> Sometimes we endure the whining when they want just one more cookie and we've already said no! Don't give in. The disappointment is OK! We let them lament that the fun has ended. We affirm how sad it is, and we help them arrive at an appreciation for the experience of joy that was had, and a thankfulness for the one who has supplied it. These opportunities when we remind our kids who the giver of good gifts is and how much he delights in providing these moments for us is what equips them (and us!) to face disappointment with hope.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #001320; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Disappointment will always be present in our lives because of the broken world we live in, but it cannot steal our hope, The promises of Jesus are true, and what a gift it is to teach our children and model for them what it looks like to rest and trust in the one who brings full satisfaction.</span></div>
Drew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-79057342500057165982018-02-19T18:54:00.000-08:002018-02-19T18:54:23.253-08:00Rips in My CapeToday was one of those days that I tuck away in my mama's heart. Walking down the sidewalk with Drew whose been away for a few days, Breck riding in the stroller with his toes in the wind, the big kids riding their bikes, and it being sixty-six degrees in February. Most of the day was just easy with the kiddos and I felt excited to see them after they woke up from their naps which is a great sign that the morning went well. Ha! As I snuggled Story tonight I was overwhelmed again with the weightiness of the title of "Mama." Her Daddy and I are her and her siblings heroes. We are everything to them. Holy CRAP! This realization just slays me. Like makes me want to scream, "IF YOU ONLY KNEW MY SIN YOU WOULDN'T WANT ME TO BE YOUR HERO!!" I can talk about the gospel all day long, but when my sin hurts my kids it almost feels impossible for me to accept the grace of God.<br />
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I will never forget when Anna was a baby and I told Drew that I felt like I wasn't patient with Anna as she wiggled on the changing table and tried to escape the dreaded diaper change. He looked at me and said with kindness and gentleness, "You can apologize to her and ask her for forgiveness." Duh! Of course! I looked my baby in the eyes as she smiled up at me and I asked her to forgive me for being impatient with her. She of course had no idea, but I began a practice with her that allows her to see that this hero has some serious rips in my cape. As I've wrestled with all of this a dear friend challenged me with these words: "You are not the hero of your children's stories, because Jesus is the hero." Balm to my soul. I am not the hero. The rips in my cape that keep me from ever soaring as a super mom are ok. They are ok because they allow me to point them to the one who is a REAL hero! My sin and weaknesses will hurt them, but what a gift it is to point them to the one who will never let them down!<br />
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Today was good, but tomorrow could be hard and the weakness of my cape might be more on display, but each day I learn more of what it means to trust Jesus as the hero of my story and the hero of my kids' stories. I learn to accept his grace and trust that I am not even close to big enough to ruin anything, even my kids. I hold onto these words from my husband:<br />
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"God didn't call us to be perfect parents but rather to be skilled repenters!" Mic drop.Drew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-53583052908284930952018-02-07T12:35:00.000-08:002018-02-07T12:35:07.424-08:00Sickness <div>
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Fear is one of my top sins! Fear of sickness hitting our home is on the top of the list and here we are in week five of it. Many pages of my journal are filled with words of repentance and tears about my fear and my desire for control. When all four of my kids are sick and whining, I feel out of control. When I know a kid is about to throw up and I can't predict where it will land, I feel out of control. When my anxiety and fear of germs flares up, I feel out of control. Receiving a diagnosis of Down Syndrome and all that that means for my baby, I feel out of control. I hate to feel out of control. </div>
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So in the midst of this long stretch of sickness, guess what, I am learning again that I am not in control, but I have experienced and felt the care and guidance of the one who is. In month eight of knowing my baby, Breck, I still feel out of control and weak. Receiving Breck's diagnosis and hearing from the geneticist that 1 in 800 woman have babies with Downs Syndrome I saw again the face of the one who is in control. He held me that day and he has held me through all of this family sickness as well. </div>
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These past eight months and recently in these past five weeks, I have spent many dark moments in my kitchen choking back tears as I am being circled by four needy children and feeling too weak to meet any of their needs. I have cried ugly tears in the shower calling out to Jesus and expressing how weak I am. I have eaten way too much chocolate and ice cream. I have fallen into the pit of self-pity and have felt the hand of the Father pull me out and remind me of his tender care. </div>
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Jesus is working in my heart and gently showing me that I am not in control. These past eight months, and these past five weeks have just been a part of that journey. As I celebrate turning 35 today I think this will continue to be an area of sanctification for me. I have seen God's kindness in each new sickness and I have seen us survive. It's funny how experiencing something and overcoming it sort of dissolves the fear and makes us just a little more brave to face the other fears that might be lurking in the shadows. Just like Peter walking towards Jesus on the water, as soon as he looks away he begins to sink. I am looking at you Jesus and holding on tight. </div>
Drew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-19397811659933016082018-01-25T21:42:00.000-08:002018-02-07T11:22:26.824-08:00A Year of Learning <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Tonight I dusted off the ol' blog. All the insecurities inside me say leave it in the archives and let the dust continue to collect, but the ambitious, creative, reflective learner knows that it's time for the dust bunnies to be swept away in order for vulnerability to continue to flourish. Not sure if anyone even reads blogs anymore but really this is not about who reads my words but rather creating a space to practice my writing and the art of reflecting on my heart and the redemption that Jesus is working in it.<br />
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My word for 2018 is "learner" so some of my posts will be reflections of my experiences in learning new things through the monthly books I am reading, learning my guitar, cooking new recipes, and dreaming about planting a garden this summer.<br />
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I love so many things! Some of those things are theology, practicing and living out emotional health, my family, relationships, intentional parenting, and the beauty of life.<br />
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Cultivating life was the title we came up with almost 6 years ago and it still fits perfectly with the direction that Drew and I lean into life. We are still cultivating life together, but now we have four children cultivating with us. Part of cultivating life is being honest about the pain that exists in this broken world, but the hope that we have in Jesus. This hope is real and I have seen it and felt it more in this past year.<br />
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I enter back in this practice of vulnerability with a little trepidation, but also some excitement.<br />
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<br />Drew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-53672605685710949902016-10-01T13:11:00.000-07:002018-02-07T13:19:04.140-08:00On Presence<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7BIBYmPsGx0Hoo1uS-FQBRkxRLYnXhYZlmbF_YjopQyAFF2gweKIXxOOAPiBY8UMPGRyViceCUxpyyM6zAUufj6tXsD32lipnV-g6DM_MacNuFLy5_9dsutoTykVvReELsk2HSg2BD4yH/s1600/fashion-person-woman-apple.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7BIBYmPsGx0Hoo1uS-FQBRkxRLYnXhYZlmbF_YjopQyAFF2gweKIXxOOAPiBY8UMPGRyViceCUxpyyM6zAUufj6tXsD32lipnV-g6DM_MacNuFLy5_9dsutoTykVvReELsk2HSg2BD4yH/s320/fashion-person-woman-apple.jpg" width="320" /></a>The other day, while in the midst of the cacophonous tropical storm known in our home as "bath time," my son Cæd calmed for a moment, looked up, and gave a sly kind of half-grin. Being a modern-day Dad, I had my iPhone at hand, whipped it out, and caught his savoring of the moment on "film," posted it online, and basked in the glow of having bagged another trophy of the good times of being a family. As soon as I captured it though, I knew it wouldn't be enough. It is a shadow, a breath, and the best it can do is, like driving past a favorite restaurant, bring back the memory of a savored experience. But it's not the memory I want, it's the meal.<br />
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As young parents, we are consistently advised to "cherish these moments!" and I completely understand why: they are the grout that holds together the all the pieces in the mosaic of family life, they are the foundation clung to when the project of the moment seems to be fracturing, they are the sweet wine sipped on the front porch of reminiscence. And yet, they are but a breath, and then gone. <i>Gone</i>. And I think the truth is that this is actually what we were made for. <br />
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Now don't hear me wrongly; in our era of high quality cameras readily available at a moment's notice, I have become a big fan of Instagram! I've always been a picture kind of guy, and while I do love words, I am not nimble enough with them to succinctly capture the sweetness of the every-day in the midst of the every-day (hence this being the first blog post I've written in about 3 years). But <i>pictures</i> on the other hand, <i>pictures</i>! A whole relationship captured in the look one sibling offers the other, a unique angle that restructures the way you think about a familiar object, a particular focus that brings the essence of a moment new value. The ability to create an ongoing, in-the-moment, photo journal record of many of the sights, perspectives, and experiences that my family and I have been blessed to encounter together along the way is a beautiful thing! But the drive to preserve all of life's moments rather than simply chronicle them can leave us with a whole host of things we were never really made for: guilt at having missed the moment, ambition to use our families to show off to our friends, and even the hollow presence of being with one another in a moment, but only by being on the other side of a lens and screen.<br />
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Rather, I believe Scripture shows us that we were actually made for transience. As Jesus gathered his disciples he never asked them simply to come to him and stop, but instead said "follow me" as he went forward. Paul talks about our life in Christ by reminding his readers that we are "being renewed day by day" (2 Cor. 4:16), by praying that our "love may abound more and more" (Phil. 1:9), and by exhorting that "all may see your progress" (1 Tim. 4:15). Mary even models this well when it says of her that, after giving birth to Jesus and hearing the revelation from the shepherds, she "treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart" (Luke 2:19). Notice that she doesn't preserve them, yearning to hang on to them, but "pondering them, so as to understand their implications for the present and future. Life in Christ, and thus life as a whole, is for growth, moving us ever forward through his plans and designs.<br />
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In an age that demands we document and preserve everything, what we are built for instead is to be present within and process forward through everything. So keep Instagramming! Keep bringing up that obnoxious "There is not enough available storage" message on your iPhone! But do so in order to grow, in order to set markers of God's goodness that you can draw courage from in the future, in order to invite others into your blessings and tell of his faithfulness, and not to preserve a moment or create a fable of "glory days" to mourn. Our God is a God of forward motion, and thus we are a people of forward motion as well. Let us build wisely on the moments he gives us.<br />
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<br />Drew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-9474529501097410692015-11-10T12:54:00.000-08:002015-11-10T13:20:45.902-08:00The Twins' Birth StoryIt's been a long time since we have posted on this blog. I thought that my birth story with the twins was a good launching point for diving back in. I read this quote recently, "Motherhood: when theoretical beliefs in a Creator give way to experiencing the act of creation." Even though I gave birth to my second and third child I still cannot fully grasp the gift, joy, responsibility, and other adjectives that I can't come up with to describe what it is like to carry a child for nine months and then deliver them into the world. As a mother I get to experience the act of creation and it's a beautiful, but hard gift. It gives me a glimpse into the heart of our Father who created us and the love that he has for his creation. The curse of the pain of childbirth also gives me a glimpse into the pain that the Father feels at how broken his creation is. The pain of delivery is just the beginning of a lot of pain and joy that comes with raising babies. Praise be to the Father who chose to rescue us from this pain and curse, and my prayer everyday is that I will let the Heavenly Father be the hero of my children's stories rather then trying to be the superhero mom. God is the hero and even in my pregnancy and delivery of the twins he was the hero of the story. He answered so many prayers and it's a joy to share the story of his faithfulness!<br />
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I found out I was pregnant with our second child on July of last year and we were thrilled. I felt a sense of peace from the beginning despite our two miscarriages that we had before Anna. The onset of morning sickness happened pretty quickly as well as coming down with an awful cold. The morning sickness was very intense and worse then what I remember it being like when I was pregnant with Anna. I remember one day looking up why morning sickness happens just to try to understand what my body was doing. On one of the sites it said that intense morning sickness could be a sign of twins. That little kid bit of info entered into my mind and left a small moment of wonder. I later told my friend how cool it would be to have twins because then I would get two babies and only have to face this horrible sickness once. The night before we went in for our ultrasound I had a very vivid dream that we were having twins and in the ultrasound they were two boys and had full mustaches. The next day we went to the doctor for the 9 week ultrasound and we were super excited to have the opportuniy to see our little baby moving around on the screen. I planned to see the midwife in the practice, but for the ultrasound an OB came in to do it. She asked how I have been feeling and expressed how intense the morning sickness has been, and then laughed about my dream the night before. She said, "Well let's take a look and see!" This was the moment that Drew and I will never forget. We heard the doctor say, "Oh!" and we said, "Oh, what?!" She said, "Well there's your baby, and there's your other baby!" Our jaws hit the floor and we both just started laughing! We were absolutly shocked! We left the doctor just looking at each other, laughing, and saying "two babies!?"<br />
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Thankfully morning sickness went away at 14 weeks and I started feeling much better. It was so fun to feel two babies moving around, and because I was considered high risk I got to see the babies a lot! Twins, in delivery, are considered wild cards so my desire for a low intervention birth was a little bit more compromised. I really wrestled a lot with this and wrestled with the fear that seemed to be surrounding my pregnancy and delivery. Of course I absolutely understood the risks, but I also wanted to trust my body and the process and continue pursuing my desire for low intervention. I hired a doula to help me navigate the experience of birth in a hospital since I delivered Anna at a birth center. At 24 weeks I went in for an ultrasound and to have my cervix checked. At this appointment they discovered that my cervix was a bit short and they were a little concerned about pre-term labor. At this point the babies had reached the age of viability, but if they were born at this time it would be a long road of NICU. I continued to feel a peace, for the most part, but there were definitely times fear snuck in as I thought about the babies being born early. The doctor recommended I rest as much as possible as well as get steroid shots to help the babies lungs in the case that they were born early. I am thankful for Drew and friends who helped to make this possible. From 24 weeks on I found my mind constantly counting days and imagining scenarios of "what ifs." It was definitely a time of learning again what it means to trust the Lord. Sometime after hearing the news of my cervix shortening the Lord gave me the verse Romans 15:13 which says, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." This verse became our prayer. We desired to have joy and peace as we trusted him, but also recognized that the Spirit was the one who would do the work in our hearts to allow this to happen. On my own the only thing I could muster was fear and anxiety and certainly NOT joy and peace. God alone would have to bring me those emotions, and I can say that HE answered our prayers! The weeks continued to pass by and we rejoiced at each major milestone while keeping our eye on the calandar daily. Our church threw us an amazing baby shower and my sister-in-law threw me a long distance shower. We were so blessed by so many gifts to help us welcome two babies into this world. Part of the shower that my sister-in-law threw had everyone guess gender, birthdate, and weight. It seemed that most people thought it was a boy and a girl and very few thought the babies were the same gender. My guess was also one boy and one girl. I actually thought Baby A was a girl and Baby B was a boy, and I happened to be right.<br />
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At 34 weeks on a Sunday night I started to have some back pain and began to wonder if it was labor. I was terrified of being that woman who went in when it was false labor. I have no idea how I got this thought into my head but after the encouragement of Drew and Nancy, my doula, we decided that it was wise to go in. I was thankful to have made it to 34 weeks and was ready to meet these babies and the possibility of NICU was beginning to settle in as I entered Triage at OSU Hospital. At 34 weeks I was already 5 cm dilated and 80% effaced. They connected me to all of the wires, but were really unable to find regular contractions and I had not progressed anymore. Instead of leaving the hospital with two babies I left the hospital that night with a prescription for a urinary tract infection. Week 35 passed without anymore signs of labor. On March 4th I hit 36 weeks and we rejoiced again for being 1 week away from full term after so much fear surrounding the possibility of pre-term labor. The weekend of March 6-7th was the women's retreat at our church. I decided to go to the events during the day, but not spend the night. It was so fun to be with friends and be out of the house. On friday night as we were leaving the hotel to go back home I went to the bathroom and noticed a lot of discharge. I got excited and shared with my friends who both happen to be nurses who work with postpartum mamas. Saturday morning I got up and went back to the retreat. There were a few times during the talks that I had to get up due to some pressure. I started walking the halls, but I wasn't in any pain. By the time the retreat was over I was exhausted and ready to go home. I had not felt this exhausted in a long time. Little did we know that that night would be our last night as a family of three. At 8:11 I texted my doula to say that I was uncomfortable, but not in any pain. We put Anna to bed and laid on the couch until around 10:00. I was definitely feeling uncomfortable, but I was still not in any pain. I tried to go to sleep, but I was uncomfortable. I knew if I called my doula she would suggest taking a shower so even though I didn't want to I showered to see if the feelings would go away. I got out of the shower and the uncomfortable feeling was still there. We called my doula, called our friend Tammy to come stay with Anna, grabbed our bags and headed for the hospital around 11:30. Due to my fast labor with Anna I kept picturing scenarios of me having the twins in the kitchen or the car. I was thankful to not be in severe labor as we drove to the hospital. I was checked into Triage and at 1:00 am the doctor came in to check me. My doula, Drew, and I had prayed so much for my birth and that the Lord would bless me with my desire for a natural birth and even for the doctors and nurses that would assist me. The first doctor that came in asked about my desires for delivery and I shared that we wanted a low intervention birth and she was so excited for me. She shared how she had had natural birth with her children and was a huge supporter of it. Her bedside manor was awesome and gave me such ease. At 1:00 am I was still 5 cm dilated and 80% effaced, but my contractions were about 8 minutes apart. I still was not in active labor and was only slightly uncomfortable with each contraction. She said that she would let me labor for an hour and then come back and check in on me. We watched the clock hit 2:00 and then immediately switch over to 3:00 am since it was the night of daylight savings time. The doctor came in at 3:19 am to check me and she told me she wasn't very hopeful that I had progressed, and I said that I was feeling the same way. She checked me and said with excitement, "Yup you are definitely at 6 cm!" I couldn't believe that I had progressed and I still wasn't in any pain. They called the doctor on call since my doctor had just had her own baby and they put me in my labor and delivery room at 3:30 am. We gave the nurse my birth plan and then the doctor came in to talk to me. He had a very confused look on his face since I had the heplock in my hand, but I was not connected to an IV. He proceeded to explain to me all of the risks with having twins and the possible scenarios. I was very aware of the possible scenarios, but my babies were head down and I was confident of my plan to proceed with natural birth. I looked at him with as much confidence as I could find and said that I understood but that I would like to proceed with no intervention. He said OK, and no one questioned me again. This was definitely an answer to prayer! The doctor said that he would like to break my water, but I asked to be left to labor for another hour to see if I would progress. I was hesitant to have my water broken because it didn't feel like I was letting my body do the work. My doula reassured me that it was a simple way to help the babies heads engage and to really get labor started. I felt a bit more pressure in that hour and even started bleeding a bit, but when the doctor checked me at 5:40 am he said that I had not progressed any and still suggested breaking my water. They broke my water and as he left he told me not to expect things to start too quickly. The sensation of my water being broken was very odd. Painful labor did kick in pretty quickly, and before I knew it I was in active labor. They needed to keep monitoring the babies so I had to be in the bed a lot which made it hard to move around to help ease the pain. They did put an internal monitor on Baby A's head which made it easier for me to move around, but I was feeling so much pressure that I labored mostly in the bed. I did go into the bathroom at 6:25 am I remember losing a lot of fluid. At 6:44 am I expressed that I was feeling a lot of rectal pressure. The nurse said OK and went to tell the doctor. The doctor came in and and checked me again at 6:50 am and I was 7-8 cm and 90% effaced. I started feeling very hot and cold all at the same time, and my doula gently told me that I was entering into transition. It wasn't two minutes after she said that that I started to throw up. The pain was so intense at this point that all I could do was sit in the bed, holding myself up by my hands, rocking and moaning in rhythm. I just kept repeating, "Guys, guys it hurts, it hurts!" Drew and Nancy were awesome at encouraging me and they each took turns getting dressed in the clothes so that they could enter the OR. I was required to deliver in the OR in case of an emergency. They prepped me, covered me up, and wheeled me out of my room towards the OR. It was right when the night crew was leaving and the morning crew was arriving for their shift. The nurses who were leaving cheered me on as they wheeled me to the OR. The doors of the OR opened and it was so bright and lots of people were shuffling around. The anesthesiologist was in there and introduced himself, but he was quick to say that it did't look like I would need him. They wheeled my bed right next to the long, hard, narrow OR bed and told me that I needed to move my very pregnant in labor body over onto the OR bed. This was an incredibly difficult task that was very painful, but I did it! Once I was on the OR table the doctor instructed me to put my legs in the stir-ups. This was super hard and uncomfortable due to all of the pressure that I was feeling. He never checked me to say that I had reached 10 cm and that it was time to push. Once my feet were in the stir-ups he told me to take a deep breath in and hold it for 10 while I pushed. I took a deep breath in and immediately let it all out. I mean I had only pushed one baby out 2 years ago I was a little rusty on my technique. My doula stood by my side and helped me to understand a little more what I needed to do. The nurse told me to push at the height of my contraction and I tried to explain that it all felt like the height. After a few failed pushes I finally remembered how to do it and I also remembered how incredibly painful it is. Apparently my people pleasing tendencies are heightened while in labor because I remember that I just kept apologizing for not doing it well. Ha! I did't experience the "ring of fire" with Anna, but I was definitely experiencing it now. I gave 4 good pushes and Baby A was born at 7:56 am! They held her up over my body and Drew called that it was a girl. They laid her on my chest for a few seconds before taking her behind me to check and make sure she was OK. Drew followed Baby A while I prepped to push Baby B out. The doctor broke Baby B's water and announced that the head was engaged. My nurse told me later that she was so thankful when the doctor said that the babies head was engaged! My doula later told me that I was very out of it at this point. I gave a few good pushes and Baby B arrived quickly at 8:00 am. They held Baby B over me and Drew exclaimed, "It's a boy, babe!"All I could do was look at my doula and express with tremendous joy, "I did it!" I just pushed two babies out of me without drugs and I felt incredibly empowered and proud! Story was 6 lbs 2 oz and Caed was 6 lbs 5 oz and were perfectly healthy even though they were not full term. Neither of them had to spend anytime in the NICU which was such an answer to pray! The Lord had really answered all of our prayers! I did tear a little and the doctor sewed me up and then we were all taken back to the labor and delivery room. My experience of delivering in the hospital was a positive one and I was thankful for how each nurse and doctor respected my desires for a natural birth!<br />
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It was so much fun to see Drew holding TWO babies in his arms and to call our family and share the news. Our nurse gave us a few minutes by ourselves and I was able to start skin to skin and nursing. It was a precious moment to hold those two babies against my skin and watch them latch on to nurse. We named our little girl Rachel Story after my dear friend Rachel. The name Story comes from our love for God's big story and seeing all of life through this lense. We named our son Joshua after the man Joshua from Scripture. When I first met Drew he was so passionate about the story of Joshua and God really used this book of Scripture to teach Drew a lot. Caedmon is a first century monk who cared for the animals at the monastery and became an accomplished poet who wrote a hymn about God's creation. We pray that Story always views life through the lens of God's grand and beautiful story as well as pray that her own story is one that brings glory and honor to her Savior. We pray that Caed is a man of God who loves God's creation. We laugh that we will spend the rest of their lives looking at each other and saying, "Two Babies!!"<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk4pV0Mex_arh_baBY7Fs9CE_5Sq_-kl6KldY8kaWbEe-2Dacye641fuOcjnPE1cUEVE-TT-l0ysiVIZswhDrUxwFeEuTf_OM-_IxxJgnWf_cNo3lvnB4KLv9SQCIUANui_msjvECUjNvP/s1600/IMG_3374.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk4pV0Mex_arh_baBY7Fs9CE_5Sq_-kl6KldY8kaWbEe-2Dacye641fuOcjnPE1cUEVE-TT-l0ysiVIZswhDrUxwFeEuTf_OM-_IxxJgnWf_cNo3lvnB4KLv9SQCIUANui_msjvECUjNvP/s640/IMG_3374.jpg" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Meeting Rachel Story</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha0THzqdJpTMZLrDs5zm13rY9F3CaxdqqV6RCIxCK_G34JPKfLgOsrDER0KZ6nxIozBM2uMoHPOElGSjSqcdHNUlQKBoruz1kk6hxS1-HNvm29rNPpm4gYTyrGHFpvnK82D_aF-UxmWG4l/s1600/Caed+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha0THzqdJpTMZLrDs5zm13rY9F3CaxdqqV6RCIxCK_G34JPKfLgOsrDER0KZ6nxIozBM2uMoHPOElGSjSqcdHNUlQKBoruz1kk6hxS1-HNvm29rNPpm4gYTyrGHFpvnK82D_aF-UxmWG4l/s640/Caed+2.jpg" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Meeting Joshua Caedmon</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJRUlq7le3sulXWkWdbrSpdEN9bt2o_vj2hJeMaFNa8P5TT3oMF7N_T9MqGV-YbhYvpnW463wUGLA6r7m2v6h0RZG2diyj5J-MRyA3fPfQSNdV9qK8MsX4DDpIWbcxVKXICXHkCNHtnQdd/s1600/Story+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJRUlq7le3sulXWkWdbrSpdEN9bt2o_vj2hJeMaFNa8P5TT3oMF7N_T9MqGV-YbhYvpnW463wUGLA6r7m2v6h0RZG2diyj5J-MRyA3fPfQSNdV9qK8MsX4DDpIWbcxVKXICXHkCNHtnQdd/s640/Story+2.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Story</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIaAr-Td0i83BNml78Rwy-2FwWcr0_jo_FGUgzUQU58Gm7JITohEnEsZcGIo0ItPJsO5HboWLUbs_exab14YUrKWlS4LD9z_7Spd7DrORgwECy6tiluM3M62_wKqbVQbxeujinmefp-sRk/s1600/IMG_3380.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIaAr-Td0i83BNml78Rwy-2FwWcr0_jo_FGUgzUQU58Gm7JITohEnEsZcGIo0ItPJsO5HboWLUbs_exab14YUrKWlS4LD9z_7Spd7DrORgwECy6tiluM3M62_wKqbVQbxeujinmefp-sRk/s640/IMG_3380.jpg" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Caed</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3VAvVvaef2qn6pleE0U3LHWq5UA5CgLYWayomcyFdn2kmZnbWuFBTeo3WQWlDaFHgG9ZSS4YmIOO8Znnjydk5yMW_8h1-RcEoqplyxPr_YYw7ThG7grsA3qT9w9HICipz70jzMtHiu5Xj/s1600/Both.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3VAvVvaef2qn6pleE0U3LHWq5UA5CgLYWayomcyFdn2kmZnbWuFBTeo3WQWlDaFHgG9ZSS4YmIOO8Znnjydk5yMW_8h1-RcEoqplyxPr_YYw7ThG7grsA3qT9w9HICipz70jzMtHiu5Xj/s640/Both.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Two Babies!!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuwYE1UpLrZbw0jKDEDepmn_kF94IEUC7PuriDDlC_z2BWTO8dT47HNsyKz9HwYZM4qJk0FFPpmDmKs90DV2Lt84RTE2NKsamFNPwl2Ex6j47lkZ6gm6bH4WOZeV1g53LCIrmk15xGxYWI/s1600/IMG_3382.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuwYE1UpLrZbw0jKDEDepmn_kF94IEUC7PuriDDlC_z2BWTO8dT47HNsyKz9HwYZM4qJk0FFPpmDmKs90DV2Lt84RTE2NKsamFNPwl2Ex6j47lkZ6gm6bH4WOZeV1g53LCIrmk15xGxYWI/s640/IMG_3382.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Two Babies!!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR4C8ZVtd0OAGnGSye7B1HmE8_bs_DnbTf0OcghFdT0jjBJy8ufU1OhYZ8ikPZ6j71uTA0mS_-ivk5q4cyaj2_Ugtc73brqDChxzTuP7dfPiJCtV_lunqBV03ahoRG6r2g7y4AUovIH_yx/s1600/IMG_0041.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR4C8ZVtd0OAGnGSye7B1HmE8_bs_DnbTf0OcghFdT0jjBJy8ufU1OhYZ8ikPZ6j71uTA0mS_-ivk5q4cyaj2_Ugtc73brqDChxzTuP7dfPiJCtV_lunqBV03ahoRG6r2g7y4AUovIH_yx/s640/IMG_0041.jpg" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">First picture as a family of five!</td></tr>
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<br />Drew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-58972020466136936712014-03-06T12:16:00.000-08:002014-03-06T12:16:07.722-08:00Ash WednesdayThe season of lent has always been confusing for me. I usually feel this pressure to give something up, fail to do so on time, and then just plan to do it next year. Growing up in the Catholic Church, lent was always something that I understood as a time for self-denial and ritual. There didn't seem to be much reflection or scriptural basis behind the fasting from a certain item or the restraining from eating meat on Fridays. As a child I knew that we would go to church to get ashes on our foreheads, but it had no meaning and just made me feel silly. An understanding of lent from this perspective leaves you in the sink hole of legalism and self-righteousness, not in the refreshing streams of grace and the gospel. <br />
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This year our family is setting intentional time aside to reflect and repent from the brokenness of our own hearts and the brokenness of this world, but we don't do this without hope! We are looking towards Easter and celebrating the resurrection of Christ and his ultimate sacrifice for our sins.<br />
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"But God being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ-by grace you have been saved..." (Ephesians 2:5) <br />
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As we attended our church's ash Wednesday service last night, I was brought to tears as the ashes were placed on my head and the verse above was repeated to me. The reality of Christ's work on the cross became more real. In the OT ashes were a sign of repentance and lament. The ashes on my head were a reminder of my humanity, and the tension we all feel of the already and the not yet.<br />
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We are excited to celebrate and reflect upon what Christ has done through this lenten season. This season is not about self-denial and ritual, but rather about feasting on the grace that is possible through a relationship with Jesus!<br />
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LindseyDrew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-39746956486375448162014-02-21T19:20:00.001-08:002014-02-21T19:20:35.455-08:00A Year of MotherhoodThis time last year I was sitting on the couch with my VERY swollen feet elevated and feeling my baby move, hoping he/she would make their debut sooner rather then later. Little did I know that seven hours later my labor would start, and six hours after that I would be holding my little girl. The memories of the labor pains have faded, and tomorrow we celebrate a full year of life with Anna! <div>
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I have had so many thoughts and reflections in anticipation to Anna's first birthday! Everyone keeps asking if I can believe that she is already one. In hind sight, yes, it has gone fast, but I don't feel like it has gone so fast that I missed out. There were so many times throughout this year that I felt so overwhelmed with feelings of love for my daughter. Pictures and videos couldn't capture all the emotion of my heart. Being present in each moment has been my goal. I certainly have not done this perfectly, but I do feel like I was able to soak in the first year of Anna's life well. As I watched her sitting in the middle of the tupperware cabinet tonight, talking and chewing on a toy, I just smiled and tucked the moment away!</div>
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I had no idea the ups and downs that this year had in store for me as I embraced the role of mama. As I wrestled through my desire to blot out the brokenness of this world, I was continually brought to my knees in humble reliance upon the one who has already accomplished it. As I fought paralyzing fear about the things that could happen to me, my daughter, or my husband, I was again gently reminded by my Heavenly Father that he is on his throne. As I wrestled through, and continue to wrestle through, my own issues of confidence, I make decisions for my child, and sometimes even stand up to others who may disagree. This people pleasing heart is not always very good at being confident in the face of those who may disagree. As thoughts of "I don't know if I can do this" plagued me in those first few weeks, the words of Jesus brought hope: "I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:5). Apart from Christ I can do NOTHING! What a relief that is to hear when my patience runs out as Anna squirms on the changing table, or wakes up once more, or wants to eat again even though she just ate 20 minutes ago, or as I look at my body that doesn't look at all like what it used to, or as my mind can't focus on this date with my husband because I am worried about whether Anna is sleeping. Apart from Christ I can do nothing! His grace is sufficient for me, and his grace is definitely something that I need! This year of motherhood has taught me yet again what it means to rely on my Savior. He is the Christ, and I am not. I pray that this truth is cultivated more and more in my life as I continue in my journey as mama, and begin to teach my daughter what it means to abide in her Savior.</div>
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Drew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-23563943464225346482013-12-25T17:57:00.001-08:002013-12-25T17:57:43.220-08:00To Treasure and To Ponder<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The house is still, and the twinkle of the Christmas tree makes the room feel warm. I can still hear Anna's little squeals, and the songs playing on the new toys that she received today. She had a blast digging into Christmas presents, eating green tissue paper, exploring empty boxes, and giggling as her Daddy pushed her so high on the swing outside. Our hearts are full tonight after celebrating Christ's birth together as a family of three. This time last year I was very pregnant and dreaming about the little babe that would bless our family. As Drew and I read the Christmas story this morning in Luke 2, I felt as though I understood the emotion that Mary might have felt a little bit deeper this year. <br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Luke 2:19</span></div>
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<i>"But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart." </i></div>
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One thing that I have said a lot in these last 10 months of being a mom is that I just don't know how to take it all in. Anna is growing so fast and changing everyday. I just can't take enough videos or photos to capture the joy and excitement it is to watch her grow up. Her first Christmas has come and gone. It is simply impossible to hold onto a day forever, and Anna will only be this little for so long. We have been being intentional to be present with her in each moment in order to remember and treasure these days. I think I am learning what it means to ponder and cherish each moment with my little girl.</div>
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As Mary celebrated her first Christmas in the cattle stall she didn't have an iPhone to record all of baby Jesus' little noises, coos, or cries. She had to be still and take it all in. When I try to picture the scene in my head I imagine that Mary was quiet as she gazed at her baby, gazed in wonder at his little fingers and little toes. This little baby, conceived by the Holy Spirit, that she just gave birth to, would be the Savior of the World. Mary had a lot to treasure that day as she held her baby close to her heart. She pondered what was said about her Son by the Angel, "For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord" (Luke 2:11). This was good news of great joy that was for ALL the people (Luke 2:10). Mary's Son would save ALL people from their sins!</div>
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Luke 1: 47</div>
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<i>"My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior."</i></div>
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-Lindsey</div>
Drew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-48616503854681452772013-12-12T11:50:00.005-08:002013-12-12T11:50:32.749-08:00The Not So Perfect Christmas<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzgLT7nyzmuEI1A3-rfM0FrUXYKBEW4KKLqLoFDsigwJDC7IZ0P45QRCRCcVaDGRbbboKe7eVOZg_nvhNaokZ-BegUudQ0WevEspah33FC3Ko0PSPyELDJKsAF3WXyhR6BepMo-TCwvEbm/s1600/IMG_4399.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzgLT7nyzmuEI1A3-rfM0FrUXYKBEW4KKLqLoFDsigwJDC7IZ0P45QRCRCcVaDGRbbboKe7eVOZg_nvhNaokZ-BegUudQ0WevEspah33FC3Ko0PSPyELDJKsAF3WXyhR6BepMo-TCwvEbm/s640/IMG_4399.JPG" width="640" /></a><br />
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This morning I posted an Instagram picture displaying our numberless advent calendar and admitting that it may just stay that way this year. Yesterday morning's family activity was supposed to be Christmas pancake extravaganza and we missed it. We went to get our Christmas tree on Tuesday afternoon and we had our red Starbucks cups full of yummy coffee (as is our tradition when picking out our tree at Home Depot - yes, getting our tree from Home Depot also happens to be a tradition)! Instead of wandering through the tree aisles debating about multiple trees, I sat in the car with a sleeping Anna while Drew held trees up from the other side of the barrier. I gave a thumbs up or a thumbs down to communicate which one was my favorite - this was not the sentimental tree shopping I had envisioned. <br />
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This morning I wrote in my prayer journal that my heart just cannot grasp the depth of this advent season and the celebration of Christ's birth. It's so easy to get distracted by the ups and downs of the holiday season. The lack of money for that perfect Christmas present for your spouse, the child who just won't sit still for your family devotion, or the inability to see certain family members who you would love to spend the holiday with. We all long for perfect and sentimental gatherings during the holidays, but the reality is that there might be disappointment because we live in a broken world. I heard a lady recently speak on this topic at a church event, and I was very encouraged. We long for perfection because that is what we were created for. It's right to long for those perfect holiday moments when everyone in your family gets along, and you find that awesome gift to bless your spouse with. These things are good gifts from God. However, the reality of our broken world makes these longings a bit shattered at times. The wonderful thing about this season of advent is we are celebrating Christ, the perfect one, who came to fix the brokenness!<br />
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My prayer this season is that as I face these disappointments (because they will come) that they will only point me more to Christ who came as a baby to heal this broken world. Let these disappointing moments turn your eyes to our hope in Christ, and feel free to laugh and give yourself and your family grace when the Christmas dinner burns and your toddler pulls the tree over!<br />
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LindseyDrew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-15461957674822241772013-10-29T20:56:00.000-07:002013-10-29T20:56:22.817-07:00Dream The Promises<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A few weeks ago our little Anna was baptized. It was a really special time for our family to celebrate God's faithfulness to his promises. It was a joy to take these vows before the congregation: </span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Do you acknowledge your child’s need of the cleansing blood
of Jesus Christ, and the renewing grace of the Holy Spirit?</span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Do you claim God’s covenant promises in (her) behalf, and do
you look in faith to the Lord Jesus Christ for (her) salvation,
as you do for your own?</span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Do you now unreservedly dedicate your child to God, and
promise, in humble reliance upon divine grace, that you will
endeavor to set before (her) a godly example, that you will
pray with and for (her), that you will teach (her) the
doctrines of our holy religion, and that you will strive, by all
the means of God’s appointment, to bring (her) up in the
nurture and admonition of the Lord? </span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I love the language of "in humble reliance </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">upon</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> divine grace." Our prayer as parents is that we would rely on God's grace for raising our daughter and that we would model what it means to abide in the love of Christ. It was so special to watch Drew baptize Anna and introduce her as the newest member of the covenant of faith. After the baptism I had the </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">privilege</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> of singing a song that Drew wrote the words to and our friend Steph wrote the music to. The words are beautiful and we look forward to singing this song to all of our kids! </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You were made for life fantastic</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">His image in your form,</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All creation, sings ecstatic</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To see her steward born</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Slow in wrath with love abounding</span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 0px; white-space: pre;"> </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">While our fresh offense still stung</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Though the close of Eden's gates were sounding,</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">His promises of hope he sung</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 0px; white-space: pre;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Chorus:</span></i></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So close your eyes </span></i></span><i style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and dream the promises</span></i></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Made by God to his little ones</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>He </i></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>claimed your heart </i></span></span><i style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">before he made you,</span></i></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Calling forth his daughters and his sons</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Born into a deeper story</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One extending from the start</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You are a bearer of his glory</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Born to play your special part</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He died to bring the death of death</span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 0px; white-space: pre;"> </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The grave, it could not keep its hold</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rising redeemed our ransomed breath<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and swallowed the night in mercy bold</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">His promises of gracious glory</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Are your foundation in this life</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So breathe in deep and step into his story</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The unfolding end of death and strife</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i></i></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Chorus </span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And though you still will feel the sting</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sins’ broken days will not endure</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Your life in his, though now limping,</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">shall shine with glory evermore! </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So come, O city, ever bright</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Built on these promises so true</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Inaugurate your kingdom's right</span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 0px; white-space: pre;"> </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That all of this will be made new, </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">That all of this will be made new!</span><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="letter-spacing: 0px; white-space: pre;"> </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Chorus</i></span></div>
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Drew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-34528110987136971142013-10-16T07:55:00.002-07:002013-10-16T07:55:37.650-07:00Remembering Them<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHC7SA8jg6Np0sIv9WFmJb5plrBblTBsRSXx-W8HW8EBCAzBV1oIiFm5TPLtUGHgu1MCzmoQJxn3cu2ffRIdaFHAP6iKZ9Xy_9dbSR94pnRGMKDKazRG0txqpp_2ODsw-bwM59-M_u-5Gc/s1600/IMG_4045.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHC7SA8jg6Np0sIv9WFmJb5plrBblTBsRSXx-W8HW8EBCAzBV1oIiFm5TPLtUGHgu1MCzmoQJxn3cu2ffRIdaFHAP6iKZ9Xy_9dbSR94pnRGMKDKazRG0txqpp_2ODsw-bwM59-M_u-5Gc/s320/IMG_4045.jpg" width="320" /></a>I received an email recently titled "remembering..." from a dear friend. She was writing to let me know that she was thinking of our babies, our babies that are in heaven. This month is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. I wasn't even aware that there was such a thing, but I am thankful that there is. We lost our two babies in 2011 through miscarriage. I know that I am not alone in this loss and that many other women in this world experience this tragedy as well. We named our little ones though we didn't know their genders. I will never forget the ache I felt that morning after I lost Autumn. I felt so lonely and empty. After losing William, our second baby, the feeling of deep sadness just continued. I continue to reflect on what God taught us through this experience of brokenness. My friend said these words to me, "Looking forward to the day when Anna can meet her siblings, and we can meet them too. All joy is theirs..." They are experiencing full and perfect joy as they are with Jesus, and we wait with hope when we will all experience this full joy together! Thank you dear friend for dignify and remembering Autumn and William's lives! These are our babies, and though we never got to hold them we will always love them! I was encouraged by a another friend who had experienced miscarriage as well to have something that would remind me of our babies lives. I had this ring made with their initials engraved inside. I love everything about the ring and I look forward to explaining its significance to Anna one day!<br />
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Lindsey<br />
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<br />Drew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-64513139204640814582013-06-23T11:53:00.001-07:002013-06-23T11:53:32.712-07:00The Mirror<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_9crhBS-OL1Op4TIjJR_SX2A6THJFjTORoA_8a0x0p97aaCCmGCwmBqRYNeaxP1j8X1O1KFTWSN4x4jDgdIkoEBMQf06oaT0xrAJZ8bLjUdNdrz0QLUH2ML_xPLG6sUr2kvo6SkLzxDqu/s1600/IMG_3288.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_9crhBS-OL1Op4TIjJR_SX2A6THJFjTORoA_8a0x0p97aaCCmGCwmBqRYNeaxP1j8X1O1KFTWSN4x4jDgdIkoEBMQf06oaT0xrAJZ8bLjUdNdrz0QLUH2ML_xPLG6sUr2kvo6SkLzxDqu/s400/IMG_3288.jpg" width="396" /></a>This week my little girl discovered herself in the mirror. Recently we have been stopping at the mirror in the mornings or after naps, but before this week she wasn't interested and didn't respond. Earlier this week we stopped and she immediately reacted and let out shrieks of joy and laughter. As I watched her discover her own reflection what struck me was that she was able to look at herself without one bit of shame, fear, or insecurity. Even as I held her and saw my own reflection it was easy for my mind to slip into contempt towards my body that is still carrying baby weight or my own fears about my new role as mama. Oh how easy it is to forget that I am loved by my Savior no matter what image is reflecting back at me.<br />
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My sweet Anna has also been broken by the fall, and her ability to look at herself without shame will only last so long until she herself is flooded with insecurities. My prayer for my little girl is that she would know how high and wide and deep and long is the love of Christ for her, so that when she is tempted towards contempt at her own reflection, these truths would lead her back to the love of her Savior. That despite her brokenness, shame, and insecurities, her Savior purchased her life by his death and resurrection, and therefore she can look in the mirror without shame because she has been forgiven! That by the riches of his glory she will be strengthened in her inner being to know this love of Christ, be rooted and grounded in it, and know that nothing can separate her from this love! It seems as though even this mama needs to be reminded of these truths on a regular basis!<br />
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-LindseyDrew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5749680630932276641.post-39198279597821524902013-06-16T09:54:00.001-07:002013-06-16T09:54:58.051-07:00My Husband and Anna's Daddy<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifJ01fuCE3aqNZLrlYu2uQD9XcUQbMI_ebfT34W2p0ecH6hq3ue6E2HlpBlqTHgmIfQ1Lz0MK7NqZVvoUx1v4e84b2x0PMxII9H7AUrnjo9plVGCj9BuSuJSwBWYxMMLFa3ZmcaKqImb4W/s1600/IMG_2872.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifJ01fuCE3aqNZLrlYu2uQD9XcUQbMI_ebfT34W2p0ecH6hq3ue6E2HlpBlqTHgmIfQ1Lz0MK7NqZVvoUx1v4e84b2x0PMxII9H7AUrnjo9plVGCj9BuSuJSwBWYxMMLFa3ZmcaKqImb4W/s400/IMG_2872.JPG" width="400" /></a>I can't express in one post how blessed I am to have Drew as my husband and how blessed Anna is to have him as her Daddy. We are thankful today, and as our pastor reminded us this morning above all we want to give praise to our heavenly Father. The Lord has adopted us as his children, and loved us with an unfailing love.<br />
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I was so encouraged this week by a post I read on the blog <i><a href="http://sheworships.com/2013/06/10/the-proverbs-31-man/" target="_blank">She Worships </a></i>about the Proverbs 31 Man. As she said, I will not claim to be the Proverbs 31 woman, but I resonated with her point that the marriage between these characters reflects the marriage that the Lord has blessed me with. In one line she says,<br />
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<span style="color: #232527; font-family: Ubuntu, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 30px;"><i>"These are the men who support their wives, trust their wives, praise their wives, pray for their wives, and sharpen their wives. These men believe in their wives and exhort them to pursue God’s calling, whether that calling is to ministry, business, teaching, writing, or being a stay-at-home mom. These men help their wives to be better disciples, friends, mothers, and daughters."</i></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDLxoOQTAa4B5ky0mEms5RnkrVC5laLri7ieCLweP-ZExEFgiorDSZ4oQzS9F7_Dff62zjHN8jfwu4G7H7J8XOQRtpIYamSygWZOMm44g8xNI605PQAp3DdyHH6ADTus4nFfapnUK-iRAU/s1600/DSC09355.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDLxoOQTAa4B5ky0mEms5RnkrVC5laLri7ieCLweP-ZExEFgiorDSZ4oQzS9F7_Dff62zjHN8jfwu4G7H7J8XOQRtpIYamSygWZOMm44g8xNI605PQAp3DdyHH6ADTus4nFfapnUK-iRAU/s400/DSC09355.JPG" width="400" /></a><br />
I appreciate the way my husband encourages me in the roles that the Lord has given me in this life, and I know that he will do the same for our daughter. <span style="color: black;">I enjoy watching his love for the Lord and his dependence upon God's grace grow each day. This dependence upon grace overflows in the way he cares for me and his little girl! Drew points us to Christ and sets a tone of joy and grace for our family. This post is to celebrate Drew as the amazing husband and father that he is, but above all this post is to give praise, glory, and honor to our Heavenly Father. Without the Lord Drew would not be the father and husband that he is, and I would not be the wife and mother that I am. We continually repent of our shortcomings and rest on God's kindness and love!</span><br />
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This Father's Day may we bless and celebrate the men in our lives, but above all may we praise our Heavenly Father for he is the one who has given us life!<br />
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-LindseyDrew and Lindseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17369942034089877689noreply@blogger.com0